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She didn’t look up but spoke anyway. “I can’t, Adam, not now.” There was a fire in her voice, even buried under tears, which relieved me. “Leave me alone.”
“Not a chance.”
She lifted her head and glared at me. “I’m serious. I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Then don’t talk. Just listen. But I’m not going anywhere. Not after what just happened.”
She turned away from me as fresh tears began to course down her cheeks, gutting me. It wasn’t like her to cry like this.
I sat beside her carefully and took a breath. I didn’t speak right away, trying to find the words and the right place to start. There didn’t seem to be one, so I dove right in.
“I was just on my way to the jail to kill CJ,” I said. “Then something told me you’d be here, so I took a chance and came here instead.”
Her head whipped around, and she stared at me with shocked eyes.
“I figured without you, I have nothing else to lose,” I continued. I glanced away with a half shrug. “Might still do it,” I said softly.
“Adam, no—”
I snapped back around to her. “He deserves no less for what he did to you,” I bit out. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I heard the break in my voice, but it wasn’t anger. It was despair. The hugest violation had been committed against her. Taking her ability to be a mother one day. And she hadn’t felt comfortable telling me.
She just shook her head, fresh tears spilling over. “I could barely say the words, Adam. Not even to my sisters.”
I dropped my head between my arms on my bent knees in defeat as grief clamped down on my chest. “I’m not above making him pay,” I said, staring at the ground. “I’ll do anything—”
“No.”
I looked up, feeling gutted all over again at the fresh pain in her face. “What? He deserves to get what he doled out. I just said I would—”
“I know what you said,” she cut me off. “But I don’t need that.” She swiped at her tears. “As confusing as it is, we have the truth now. The police will deal with him. And I’ll deal with the rest. In my time and in my way. What I don’t need is for you to be the big strong man and handle it for me with more violence.”
I reared back. What? All I’d been living for was to take care of her because she was my heart and soul. How could I give her more than that?
“Then what do you need?”
“You!” she yelled. “Damn it, Adam! I’ve always just needed you, but you’ve been so set on protecting me, you can’t see you’re breaking me.”
No.
Literally my worst nightmare come true.
I have no idea when the tears came, but they did. The thought of causing Faith any pain, of never being worthy of her, tore through me.
“I love you.” I started as a course whisper, but I repeated it over and over again until I was sure she heard me. “And I’m so sorry.”
“I know,” she whispered, her voice still shaking with tears. “Me, too.”
She touched my cheek and I leaned into it. “For all of it, baby. I never wanted to lie to you, I swear.”
“Tell me.”
So I did. I told her everything I’d been holding back from the moment I’d been arrested by Chief LaVeaux until that day. About prison and why I’d held myself back from her and how hard it was to acclimate to life outside. How much I’d missed her. How I’d come to work undercover with Mateo and why I’d had to keep it a secret. Every. Single. Detail.
She listened quietly for as long as it took, which was a while, but it felt like a catharsis. We ended up lying on the soft, cool grass under her blanket, facing the moon and stars with our fingers intertwined.
When I was done, I lifted our joined hands and kissed her fingers. “And that gets us to Matthew’s party, which you know about.” I rolled my head to meet her gaze, but she was frowning at my bloodied knuckles. “Yeah, there was a fight after you left. He got Mateo’s gun.”
