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“I have no potential,” I said, laughing as he did. “I’m winging it day by day.”
“I mean... what’s going on with you?” he asked. “I don’t even know what normal really looks like on you, but you look exhausted.”
“Wow.”
He held out a hand. “I’m sorry, I’m just saying—they don’t seem concerned so maybe I’m seeing something that isn’t there, but—”
“No, you’re right,” I said, surprising myself. I ran a hand over my face. “I haven’t been sleeping much.”
I told him why. I told him all of it. I didn’t know why, since he was almost a total stranger other than we shared a bloodline. There was no reason to spill everything to him, other than just looking at him made it all fall out of my mouth. The attack itself, with the dull pain of loss attached. And the one thing I hadn’t told a soul. How I’d never carry a child in my belly. Never know that inner glow that I saw on Grace every day.
“I’m so sorry,” he said softly, looking gutted.
“It’s okay,” I said, swiping at my eyes as unexpected tears came to the surface. “It really is. I—I never really thought much about having children one way or the other. At least not until—”
“The choice was taken from you.”
I met his eyes, feeling like my chest might cave in. “Exactly.”
I continued with the rest. The nightmares afterward, with the smell, the feel, the sounds, the terror, and—those horrible words in my ear.
“Those don’t sound like dreams, Faith,” he said. “Those sound like memories.”
I nodded, swallowing. “He calls me lit—little chica,” I said, breathing a little faster. “And I would rather never go back to sleep than hear that voice say those words again.”
“You can’t keep that up,” he said, my father’s blue eyes looking at me with concern.
I swallowed again and fanned my suddenly hot face. “God, don’t I know it.”
“Have you talked to Grace about—?”
“No,” I said quickly, lowering my voice. “And please promise me you won’t, either.” I squeezed his hand. “She deserves the full force of this happiness, and I never want her to feel like she has to dim that light for me.”
He reached for me, and I let him pull me into a sweet hug. “You have my word.”
