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“LEAVE!”
His voice is so loud, it makes me jump back a little.
As a tear rolls down my cheek, I lean my head against the door and place a hand against it, wishing I could touch him one last time. Wishing I could change the course of our lives. Wishing …
But not every wish comes true.
I know that now.
With my eyes facing the thick door, I run through every scenario, every room once more, and come to a grim conclusion.
I don’t know where I am. I can’t call for help to tell them where we are. I already checked every inch of the office, even the computer, and there doesn’t seem to be any internet, so I can’t find my location either.
I have only one option … Run.
It’s the only way to make it back to civilization and find help.
But it requires leaving Cage here. Alone. All by himself. In a prison without food. Where no one can reach him.
He’ll lose his mind.
Tears stream down my face as I stare at the door, knowing I have no other choice.
Even if I don’t want him to be, he’s right.
I have to leave him.
Abandon him.
My heart shrivels up and sinks into my shoes as I face the impossible choice.
“I’ll come back for you,” I say. “I promise. Tell me you can hear me. Please.”
“I hear you,” he replies, his voice as calm as the night sky before a storm.
“Good. Don’t you die in there, you hear me?” I shout. “Promise me you’ll live.”
“I promise,” he says.
This choice is eating away at me … The one he’s already made for me.
Because that’s just who he is.
Even when he knows he’ll be alone, without food, stuck in a prison for who knows how long … Waiting until I come back … if I ever come back …
And he still wants me to go.
I’ll be safe even when he isn’t.
I could never make this decision by myself, so now he’s taking it away from me by commanding me to leave. To save me. To save our baby.
At the cost of his own sanity.
“Thank you,” I say, the words barely forming on my lips as I struggle to breathe.
When the last teardrop falls to the floor, I turn around and run.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Accompanying Song: “Kettering” by The Antlers
Ella
The sun is hotter than I remember. Seeing the birds fly over my head feels bittersweet as I burst out from the compound and leave the damp prison behind me.
The salty smell of the dense desert fills my nostrils as I suck in the first breath of fresh air in a lifetime.
I look around, wondering which way I should go. To my right is a truck, so I run toward it and stick my keys into the ignition, hoping this will take me where I need to go.
If I can get to a city with a vehicle, it’ll be much quicker to come back too, so this makes me feel a little less restless. A little less guilty about leaving Cage behind.
The mere thought of leaving him here chokes me up, but I try to ignore it as I stuff the bottles of water I snagged from the kitchen into the bag.
However, the moment I press the gas with my foot, nothing happens. The truck sputters, trying to run, but the engine doesn’t actually start. I push the gas again and again. “C’mon!” I growl, frustrated with the car.
The more I turn the keys and ram the pedal with my foot, the angrier I become until I start slamming my hands onto the wheel. I have to get this truck to start, have to make it work. I have to. I have to … for Cage.
My eyes fill with tears again as I stop trying, realizing it’s not going to work.
What’s the point of having a truck if it doesn’t drive?
Nothing.
There’s no point.
No point … to any of this.
Defeated, I roll out of the truck and slam the door shut in annoyance. With my bag slung over my shoulder, I kick a rock in front of me and start walking.
I don’t look back.
I keep walking, into the sun, into the blistering heat, knowing this could be my death sentence.
But what other choice do I have?
None.
There is no choice … No saving grace.
Nothing except my legs putting one foot in front of the other.
The sand bites as I go through the desert, far beyond the distance I imagined I could ever walk. I keep going in a straight line, hoping I might eventually find a road. But in the middle of nowhere, the chances are grim.
The road I saw when I escaped before was a lie.
A sham, conjured up by my mind.
There’s nothing but dirt ahead, and I have no choice but to keep moving.
My water bottles are already halfway empty when the sun above me moves position. The only thing that allows me to keep track is the shadow cast on the breast-shaped mountains to my left. The wide nothingness around me tenses me up, but I ignore the knot in my stomach and keep going.
