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I have no choice but to pull myself together and leave the closet before I get written up for being late to class. The hall’s so full that nobody notices me sliding out through the barely open door and blending into the crowd. They’re all laughing, talking, and shouting things to each other as they pass.
We might as well be living in two different worlds.
In their world, Hayes is a swim captain. The guy everyone likes. I bet girls are walking past me right now who wish they had the chance to spend a few minutes in a small closet with him, who wish they still felt the pressure from his hands on their bodies. Even now, I’m wet and aching, and it’s enough to make me ashamed of myself. I didn’t want him to be right. I still don’t. But there was nothing I could do to control it.
He’s right about something else, too. I need to leave him alone before he takes things too far next time.
No matter how much a part of me wants him to.
7
When I reach the hotel room, the only thing I want is to put on pajamas, crawl under the blankets, and not come out until morning. I don’t even want to play with Lucy, and she usually brightens up my lowest moods.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a mood lower than the one I’m in now. I’ve never had somebody practically spit in my face when all I was trying to do was be their friend. I’ve had nobody do to me what Hayes did in that closet. The sense of being out of control, totally at his mercy, makes me shiver even now.
And when I remember how my body reacted without me wanting it too, I could die from shame. I didn’t mean to get excited. I couldn’t help it. Now, every time I see him, he’ll remember that. I guess we both have something to be ashamed of.
Even now, I want to help him with whatever he’s going through. Knowing he’d rather be cruel and hateful than let me in isn’t enough to make me stop wanting to help. What is wrong with me that I still care? Don’t I already get enough shit from my mother?
I slide the key card into the door lock and wait for the light to go from red to green before turning the handle. And for the second time in a little over two weeks, I step into the middle of a raging storm.
One my mother stands in the center of. “Finally, you’re back. What time do they let you out of that school?” She doesn’t wait for an answer before darting back to the bedroom, but then I don’t think she was really asking.
“I came right after last period.”
The desk drawers are open and empty. The hangers in the armoire are empty, too. Our bags are stacked on the sofa, the ones on top still hanging open with items spilling out.
Lucy launches herself at me, wrapping her arms around my legs. “We’re going home!” She’s practically bursting with excitement, bouncing up and down until it’s almost enough to knock me off balance.
“Take it easy,” I laugh, disentangling myself before following Mom into the bedroom. “Is that true? We’re leaving?”
“Yes, thank the gods, and I really could have used your help getting things together.” I pass the bathroom doorway in time to see her sweeping makeup into a bag. “Look under the beds. Make sure we’re not leaving anything.”
“Where are we going?”
“Morgan, I swear to God. For once, just do what I say.” I leave her muttering under her breath, getting on my hands and knees and peering under the beds. Aside from a few of Lucy’s dolls, nothing is left. I pull them out and, finding everything else stuffed already, tuck them into my backpack.
“But where are we going? Are they kicking us out?”
Mom bursts out laughing, shaking her head and giving me a funny look as she passes by. “Where do you come up with some of these ideas? No, we’re not getting kicked out. Why would we? Your father is paying for everything.”
Not my father. Not even my stepfather yet. It has taken her no time at all to slide into the role of his wife. I have to bite my tongue hard enough to hurt. “Does this mean we’re moving in with him now?”
“There’s that brain of yours.”
Lucy bounces into the room. “We’re going to the big house! And we’ll have our own bedrooms, and there’s a pool and everything!”
“That’s super exciting!” I give her a quick hug, even if I feel less than excited. More like confused by how quickly this is all happening. “Now, you have to make sure you take everything, okay? I have Elsa and Anna in my backpack. You know, they were under the bed. They almost got left here.”
