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I raise a hand to it, about to explain, but he shakes his head. “Don’t bother. I already know. I’m surprised it took this long, but they’ve been out of town so much of the time.”
I flail around in my head, trying to come up with a way to get through to him. There has to be a way. “If it’s bothering you like this, if it’s really killing you inside, it’s time to finally tell somebody,” I whisper. “Or go to the police. Somebody. You don’t have to go through it alone. You have people who care about you. Don’t you get it? I can’t stand to see you doing this to yourself.”
When I reach out, hoping to touch his face, he slaps my hand away and snarls. “You’re so fucking naive. You honestly think it’s that simple? Wake the fuck up. If it was, don’t you think I would have done that by now?”
“What are you talking about?” Salem demands. “What’s happening? Is somebody hurting you?”
“Go away,” he growls, and she recoils with a gasp. “Both of you. Stupid bitches. You don’t have any idea what it’s like.”
“What what is like?” she counters, but he only shakes his head. I’ve only ever seen him look so disgusted when he’s dealing with me alone. If he’s treating Salem the same way, I know he’s in the worst possible place. And dammit, it’s ripping my heart to pieces.
“Fine, then.” Salem takes me by the arm and starts pulling me away. “Come on, this isn’t helping.”
“Hayes, please!”
He only stands there in the doorway, fists hanging at his sides, watching Salem pull me back to her car.
How can he be like this? Why does he keep pushing me away?
Why does he still hate me?
Once I’m in the car, I cover my face with my hands and let it all out. All the pain, frustration, helplessness. Salem sits beside me, silent, her head propped up on her hand as she stares up at the house.
“Are you going to tell me what’s happening now?” she finally asks once my sobbing turns to soft weeping.
“I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t do it. But I guess Theo knows about it, too. That’s what I was so worried about. I’m afraid he’s going to hurt himself.”
“Fuck.”
“I just don’t get it. All I ever wanted to do was help him. I know he’s hurting, but every time I’ve tried to get through to him, he only hates me for it.” I dig through my bag for a tissue, but I don’t think an entire box would be enough.
“Is that how he treats you at home?”
“That’s not important right now.”
“But it is. I’ve never seen him like this. How long has this been going on for?”
“That’s really not what matters. I know why he’s doing this. Why he acts this way. He’s in so much pain. And he doesn’t think there’s any way out. And now, with the wedding and the baby, he’s losing it. That’s all it took. I’m afraid he’s never going to come home.”
“He has to,” Salem insists. “How could he survive otherwise?”
“That’s the thing,” I confess in a whisper. “I don’t think that will matter if he does what I think he wants to do.”
Her mouth falls open, but she snaps it shut right away. “No. Absolutely not. He would never do that. Theo will make sure he’s okay. He has friends who will take care of him.”
“I wish I could be so sure.” Because I know how close he’s come. If it hadn’t been for me finding him on the bridge, he might have killed himself months ago.
One thing I know for sure: after what happened today, he’s not coming home. Not so long as we’re living there.
Because he hates me.
And even though I know he does, that hasn’t stopped me from falling for him.
Salem starts the car and pulls away. I don’t have anything left in me. Neither of us says a word as she drives me home.
32
The house is quiet when I get home. If Mr. Ambrose is worried at all about where Hayes went, there are no signs of it anywhere. I hear him in his study when I go to the kitchen for water to hydrate after all this crying. He’s typing on his keyboard, pounding the keys, but that’s how he always types.
What’s Hayes going to do? Is there anything I can do to help him? A big part of me wants to knock on the study door and tell my stepdad everything I know. Maybe that’s what I need to do. I wanted to keep Hayes’s secrets, but not if he might do something drastic. Something preventable.
At least I know for right now he’s safe at Theo’s. I text Theo on my way to the stairs, just in case.
