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“I was in our cloud account and found all the stuff that got uploaded from her phone.”
“And what do you want?”
Not what I was expecting. “I want to know what you want me to do.”
“Spare me. Let’s just get down to it. How much is it going to take for you to keep your mouth shut?”
“No, you don’t understand—”
“So you’re not going to make it that easy?” His head snaps around, his eyes bloodshot. Has he been crying? “What do I have to do, then? Do I have to actually go through with it this time? Do you wanna take a little drive? Is that what it’s going to take to keep you from telling everybody about it?”
“No! You’re all wrong. I would never!”
“Yeah, right. Sorry if I don’t believe you, but we’re talking about your disgusting bitch of a mother. Don’t pretend you don’t want to protect her.”
“I don’t want to protect her! Please stop assuming you know what I’m thinking. It made me sick, what I watched. Knowing what she did to you. I am so sorry I didn’t see it, but I didn’t think… I mean, I know who she is, but I didn’t know how bad...”
I lean against the seat, exhausted and heartbroken. “I’m just so sorry.”
“I’ll fucking kill you if you tell anybody.”
“Why are you treating me like your enemy? I only want to help you. Hayes,” I insist when he replies with a bitter laugh, “don’t you understand? I love you.”
The word hangs heavy in the air. I didn’t mean to say it, and now I’m too surprised to say anything else. Surprised and horrified. He threatens to kill me, and I counter with the fact that I love him?
It broke the tension, anyway. “How can you say that?” he mumbles, looking down at his lap. “Especially if you saw... everything.”
“That’s what I’m trying to make you understand. I want this to stop now that I know. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. If anything, I want to protect you even more.”
“I told you before to save your pity.” He slams the heel of his hand against the wheel, but it doesn’t scare me. I’m not afraid of him anymore.
“Why didn’t you ever tell your father? He never would have married her. I’m sure of it.”
He’s breathing too fast, like somebody who just finished a workout. Is he going to explode? I’m afraid so, but I can’t get out of the car. I can’t leave him now.
“There’s a video.” His voice is so tight, so flat. “She made it look like I was raping her.”
I close my eyes, my insides twisting at the memory.
“She told me that was how she wanted it. Before that, she only said she would tell Dad if I tried to stop her. She said she would blame it on me and say I seduced her, and I would end up out on my ass without a penny. Plus, would make him miserable, all that shit. I guess she decided she needed some extra insurance, so she set up that video. She told me she could cut it down to make it look like I was responsible for all of it. She would take it to the cops, and I’d be arrested for rape. My life would be over.”
I ache all over, literal pain. Just when I thought she couldn’t get worse. “I am so sorry. And I’m so sorry I didn’t understand.”
“Franky actually walked in on it once. I made him swear not to say anything to anybody, but he keeps trying to get me to do it myself. And I can’t. It’ll be my word against hers, and I know whose side Dad will take when he sees the video after she fucks with it.”
“But I’ve seen it now, too. I could testify. And I would if you wanted me to.”
“Against your own mom?”
“Yes! That has nothing to do with it. She has to be stopped.”
He shakes his head before letting out a long sigh. “It’s not just that. Do you know what it’ll be like? Coming out and saying I let her do that to me? It’s bad enough when a girl is abused or raped or whatever. Everybody always blames it on her.” He places a hand against his chest. “But me? A guy? A fucking athlete? If I wanted to, I could’ve stopped her. I could’ve hurt her. But I didn’t because I was weak and confused and conflicted and ashamed. You don’t know what it feels like until it happens to you.”
“But it’s not weakness to come forward. It’s strength. Maybe if more guys spoke out about stuff like this, it wouldn’t be so shameful. It happens to boys and girls, both. You’re right, there’s this ugliness around it. Maybe if another kid in your situation hears you were brave enough to speak up, it’ll make them brave, too. I’m not saying you owe it to anybody, but it’s just something to think about.”
