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I look down at my coffee, a little nervous now that I’m alone with Hayes. “How are you really? Like, how are you feeling?”
“Honestly? Like I am the luckiest fuck who ever lived.”
I lift my head, surprised, and it doesn’t look like he’s joking. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, seriously.” Hayes gets up from his stool and makes a slow journey to where I’m standing. “I tried so fucking hard to push you away. You reminded me of her. And you being here reminded me she was here.”
“I wish I had known.”
“What could you have done about it?”
“I might have stopped bothering you.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I wish I could explain how it felt. You’re my angel. You saved my life. You gave me a reason to stay on the bridge instead of jumping off. I was determined to do it before you came along with that stupid iced coffee and that story about fishing with your dad.”
It’s embarrassing to remember. “I can’t believe you remember that.”
“How could I not? You saved my life that day, like I said. And I admit there have been times since then that I’ve hated you for it. You stuck with me after all that. And you took a huge risk. For me.”
“I couldn’t have lived another day knowing what I knew. No way.”
“Because you love me. Did you mean that?”
“So much. I knew I met the real you that day on the bridge. All I’ve wanted all this time is to get back to that person.”
“No matter how hard I try to hide him from you.”
“No matter how hard you tried.”
He runs his hands up and down my arms. His touch is soft, but electric. “Even when you know about what I had to do? You still feel the same way?”
“It wasn’t your fault. None of it has to matter.”
“Like I said.” He lowers his head like he’s about to kiss me. “I’m the luckiest fuck who ever lived.”
The sound of Lucy’s feet slapping against the stairs reminds us where we are. This is going to be awkward, living here with him and wanting him the way I do. The look in his eyes right now tells me he wants me, too, even as we separate ourselves. How are we going to make this work?
All I know is, I want to. So much.
“There you are.” Charlotte bustles into the room at almost the same time Lucy does. “Who’s hungry?”
I leave my bedroom door unlocked before getting into bed.
Hayes doesn’t disappoint me. It’s been a long day, with his dad looking into therapists and with the cops coming by for additional information while Bridget kept Lucy out of the house. I’ve barely been able to have a few minutes with him since breakfast.
It’s a relief when he opens the door and creeps into the room. “You awake?”
“What do you think?” I pull back the blanket and pat the mattress.
He slides between the blankets, wearing nothing but his boxer briefs. The feel of his smooth skin and that faint scent of chlorine are comforting.
“How are you doing?” I settle in with my head on his chest. His heart’s pounding hard, but it slowly eases.
“I feel like I got run over by a truck, but it’s better than I’ve felt in months.”
“It makes me happy to hear that.”
“How are you?” He strokes my hair, his mouth close to my ear. We have to be quiet. Nothing matters more than that.
“I’m okay. Really.” I snort, shaking my head at myself. “You’ll laugh at me, but you’ve been a big part of my life since I met you. I only think about you… all day, every day.”
“Come on.”
“I do.” I look up at him, so he knows I’m serious. “Most of the time, I was wondering why you acted like you did. Why you hated me so much.”
“I’m sorry for that.”
“I know. You explained it. You didn’t have to. I understand now that I know the whole story.” I have to wince. “You know, I thought it might’ve been your coach who was doing it.”
“Is that why you were sneaking around that day at practice?” He groans. “He was only checking my Speedo. If it’s even a little loose, it creates drag in the water.”
“It didn’t look that way.”
“To a non-swimmer, no. And you already had the wrong idea.” His arms tighten around me. “Theo told me what you did, or almost did, at the party before I got there. I’ve been wanting to talk to you about it, but it didn’t seem like the right time.”
“It’s fine now.”
“Don’t ever do anything like that for me again. I’m serious.” He presses a kiss against the top of my head. Nothing has ever felt this good. “I’m not going to let you get hurt because of me. You mean too much.”
“I wanted to protect you.”
