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CHAPTERFIFTEEN
Why the hell did I agree to come back here?
There’s too much history. Too many emotions, and just being under the same roof with them feels impossible. Even this hallway is tainted. It smells like a heady mixture of them. I’m trying my best to get over my feelings for them, but this place is like a time capsule of our relationship. Forever reminding me of everything I lost.
I lean against the wall and stare up at the ceiling. Almost as if to remind myself that, despite how it feels, the world isn’t actually caving in on me.
I can do this.They’ve moved on with their lives and I need to get my shit together and do the same.
I close my eyes and search my mind, scouring through every inch until I can find it. The tiny little box that once stored all of my emotions. I never thought I’d need it again, but I’m grateful as hell it’s still there.
I take my time plucking each volatile emotion from my brain and placing them into my tiny box one at a time. I do this over and over again until I'm left with nothing. I know that concealing my feelings isn’t an actual solution, but it's the only way I’ll be able to get through the rest of my time here. Things between us will never be the same and I have no one but myself to blame for that.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
The venom behind the question feels so intense that for a second, I convince myself there’s no way it's directed at me.
I open my eyes and when I take in the man staring back at me; I realize, with quiet certainty, that I’m exactly who it’s intended for.
Ezra stands there glaring at me with so much disdain in his eyes it makes me uncomfortable. My stomach twists in a tight knot and it's hard for me to pull in anything more than quick shallow breaths.
“Haven’t you done enough?” He asks, inching closer to me with an almost feral look in his eyes. He smells just like I remembered. Lavender mixed with a heady dose of danger. Against my better judgment, I breathe him in, and am instantly brought back to the memories we’ve made together, both good and bad.
“Answer me.” He snaps, ripping me away from my thoughts. “I thought I told you to disappear. Why the fuck are you here?”
Shit.
I look up at him, and I don't even know how to begin answering his question. I'm here because I’m forced to be. I'm here because I want to be. I'm here because leaving you and your brothers was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He’s angry. I can see it in the slight twitch of his hands and the way his chest is rising and falling. I don't waste any more time mulling over the right thing to say. I just tell him what I've been wanting to tell him ever since Dimitri revealed what he did to Alex.
“I’m so sorry, Ezra.” I confess, stepping towards him. “I’m sorry for hurting you. For pushing you to hurt me. I’m just really fucking sorry.”
I place my hand on his cheek and the way his body stiffens under my touch nearly brings back some of the painful emotions I just locked down. I search his eyes, hoping to see something, anything, to show me he believes me, that he can feel just how sorry I am. But there’s no sign of understanding in his eyes. Only anger.
“You’re good.” He offers as a bitter smile forms on his lips. “For a second, I almost believed you. That was the realest you’ve ever felt.”
What the hell is he talking about?“I’ve always been real with you, Ez.”
He laughs, shaking his head before glaring at me again. “That’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it.”
“What?” I ask, cocking my head in confusion. “What are you talking about?” This conversation has taken a swift turn and I’m completely lost.
Ezra glares at me, working the muscles in his jaw as he slowly cracks his neck. I take a step back, not liking where any of this is going, and at the sight of my retreat, something inside of him snaps.
He rushes towards me with lightning fast reflexes and grabs hold of my throat. I pound on his arm in a panic, but that only seems to amplify his fury. He shoves me against the wall behind us so hard that my head bounces against it on impact.
I’m terrified.
Ezra gets in my face, pressing his nose against mine as he painfully tightens his grip on my throat. “Don’t act stupid.” He hisses. “You know exactly what the fuck you’re doing.”
I fervently shake my head as I try to pry his tight fingers off of my throat, but it’s no use. He has a death grip on me and my muscles are growing weaker by the second. I want to ask him why, but a part of me already knows the answer. I hurt him.
Panic sinks into every inch of my body, paralyzing me. He’s going to kill me.I don’t want to die.Not here and definitely not like this.
“You’re poisonous, Angel.” He says, with a sad smile as he presses a slow kiss to my cheek. “I’ll always crave you, but I have to stop you before you destroy me.”
I still, at his words.He’s right.I am poisonous. I destroy everything I care about. First Alex, then Melanie, and now… coming back here after all of this time is destroying them.
I have no right to expect anything from them. I can try to tell myself I didn’t have a choice, but there’s always a choice. I just consistently make the wrong ones.
A silent tear streams down my cheek as I feel the fight within me die. Maybe this is for the best. At least if I die, I won’t be able to hurt the people I care about most anymore.
“Come on, Angel.” Ezra pleads as he slowly shakes his head. “Don’t cry. You’re making this harder than it needs to be.”
I close my eyes, shielding myself from the sadness I see in his. My lungs are on fire and every inch of my body is screaming in pain. I can’t hear anything around us, except for the sound of my heart pounding in my chest, but I don’t feel sorry for myself.I can’t.
I deserve this.I deserve all of this.
