Page 100 of Breaking My Silence


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I looked down and realized I’d completely stopped working and she’d ended up cutting the rest of the fruit and putting it in the bowl.

“Yeah,” I said, shaking my head to try to will the dark thoughts away. “I’m good.”

“This is weird for me too, you know,” she said quietly. “Even before my parents threw me out for loving Iz, my house was never like this during the holidays.”

My eyes stung a little, and I squeezed them shut. Hillary wrapped an arm around my shoulders and squeezed me tight.

“I think maybe the universe knew we didn’t have the kind of love we deserved growing up, so it gave us Gary and Maya to make up for it,” she whispered. “And it gave us partners who understood what we needed to feel safe.”

“I think you’re right,” I agreed, grabbing the fruit salad bowl and my coffee and heading to the table.

* * *

“It’ll probably be a zoo at the dealerships tomorrow, so how about we go car shopping sometime next week?” my dad asked as I was walking him and Jody out to their car. “Jody and I aren’t heading back to California until after New Year’s.”

Everyone had been so generous today.Toogenerous. To the point where it made me uncomfortable accepting anything else, especially not my dad and Jody’s offer to buy me a car. They’d also given me a check for a thousand dollars to use toward copays and medication when I found a therapist to work with, and they’d put me on their phone plan and gotten me a brand-new iPhone so my mom couldn’t use paying for my cellphone against me.

“I’m still not sure about this, Dad,” I mumbled. “You’ve already done so much for me.”

“Honey, your dad hasn’t been able to do things like this for you for a long time because your mother wouldn’t let him. So think of it as us investing in your future,” Jody said. “And since I just made partner at my law firm and your dad landed a record deal with his quartet, we can afford it.”

I sighed. “Okay. Next week it is.”

“Good.” My dad wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “You two doing anything tomorrow?”

I shook my head. “Just hanging out at home.”

I froze, realizing what I’d just done.

I’d just called Ian’s house “home.” It had just rolled off my tongue before I’d had a chance to think it through.

“There’s nothing wrong with calling this place home, Ky,” he said, like he could read my mind. “Gary and Maya are great people, and I can see that they’re giving you the love and support you need right now. And that’s something your mother can’t do. I’m convinced she’s physically incapable of empathizing with anyone or thinking about anybody but herself.”

“I don’t think she can either,” I agreed. “I know I should talk to her. Try to get her to understand. But I just can’t handle it.”

“Maybe whatever therapist you find can guide you more, if you really want to have that conversation with her,” Jody suggested. “But your mental health is important, so if the best thing for your mental health is to go no contact with her, that’s a completely valid decision. Just remember that.”

I smiled at her. “Thanks. For everything.”

She gave me a hug, squeezing tight and rubbing my back. “I know we don’t know each other that well, but believe me when I say I think of you as a daughter. Your dad and I wanted to take you and Ian out to lunch and a movie tomorrow if you’re up for it, but maybe you and I can go shopping sometime in the next couple of days too, just the two of us? Use some of those Kohl’s gift cards you got today?”

“Sure. That’d be really nice,” I murmured.

“We’ll call you tomorrow to see when we can pick you up for lunch,” my dad said.

“Okay.” I hugged him again. “Merry Christmas, Dad.”

“Merry Christmas, kiddo. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

He unlocked his car, and he and Jody got in. I waved goodbye to them and then went back inside and headed upstairs to Ian’s bedroom.

“Hey,” Ian said from the bed.

“Hey,” I sighed, climbing in and leaning against him.

“Tired?” he guessed.

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