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CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
KYLER
Ian’s truckwas the only vehicle in the driveway when I got back from the car dealership. Izzie and Hillary had headed back to Lawrence this morning, and it looked like Gary and Maya had already left for the party they were going to tonight.
I’d gone car shopping with my dad and Jody two days ago, and they’d ended up getting me a brand-new Honda Civic. We’d had to wait for the loan to come through, so I’d just gotten to pick it up and get it registered at the DMV today. I still felt weird about accepting this huge of a gift from them, but I had to admit I was grateful for it.
It seemed like Ian had been watching out the window for me, because he walked out of the house before I even got out of the car.
“Hey,” I said with a smile.
“Okay, I’m officially jealous of your new ride,” he chuckled as he walked over to inspect the car. “This thing’s amazing.”
“Right?” I agreed. “I love this pearl color.”
“How was it in the snow?”
“Great. Dad and Jody actually took me to Discount Tire to get some good snow tires put on it while we were out. You want to take it for a spin, don’t you?”
He laughed. “Next time we need to go somewhere, absolutely. But not now. I have other plans for you tonight.”
A knot started to form in my stomach, and I lowered my eyes, kicking at a small pile of snow on the ground. Yes, I’d been the one who wanted to take the final step in our relationship and make love to him, but now that we’d actually made plans for it, I was nervous. Really nervous. I’d been trying not to think about it, but I couldn’tnotthink about it. It had been in the back of my mind all day.
Ian was in front of me in an instant, putting a hand under my chin and tilting my face up so I had to look at him. He brushed a feather-light kiss on my lips, then moved his hand to my cheek, looking right into my eyes.
“Ky, you can tell me you’re not ready,” he said softly. “It’s okay.Nothinghas to happen tonight. Well, other than a kiss at midnight. I’m insisting on that.”
I chuckled weakly, then took a deep breath. “I’m ready. I promise. I’m not scared. Just nervous.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I am too. I’m actually kind of freaking out.”
“And I’m not helping,” I mumbled. “Sorry.”
He kissed me again, this time tracing the curve of my bottom lip with his tongue. I happily opened for him and melted against him as he poured so much love and passion into this kiss that I almost forgot what I was even nervous about.
“You don’t ever have to apologize for telling me how you feel, baby,” he whispered against my lips. “I’m just glad you feel safe enough to trust me with your feelings. Now, come on, let’s get inside before we get frostbite. It’s freezing out here.”
I chuckled, and he smiled and kissed my nose before taking my hand and leading me into the house.
* * *
“Do you want to let Cosette out?” Ian asked as we walked into his room.
I tried to breathe normally, but it was impossible. It was real now. This was actually happening. Ian and I were going to try to have sex.
And there was a very real possibility that I’d end up having a panic attack in the middle of it.
And the worst part was, I didn’t even knowwhatI was so scared of. Other than knowing for sure that I wasn’t comfortable giving him a blow job, which we’d already talked about, I had no idea what else might end up bringing memories of that night back. Or if anything would. For all I knew, I was freaking out over nothing.
“No,” I sighed as I sat down on the bed.
He closed the bedroom door, set a box of chocolate-covered strawberries and the ice bucket containing a bottle of sparkling cider and two champagne flutes on his dresser, and came to sit down next to me.
“I think we should,” he said, turning so he was facing me. “I think we need to let her out and watch the ball drop ceremony on TV for a little while. We’re not going to force anything tonight, Ky. We’ll just see what happens. Even if the only thing that happens is me kissing you at midnight. Okay?”
I nodded, and the knot in my stomach loosened a little. I should have known he wasn’t going to expect us to just tumble into bed the second we got up here.
“Okay.” He got up and grabbed the remote off his nightstand before climbing on the bed. “Go get Cosette.”
