Page 50 of Breaking My Silence


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I nodded. He kissed my forehead, then got off the bed and picked Cosette up and walked the five steps over to her cage. He told her he loved her and praised her for being such a good friend to me before kissing her head and putting her down on her ledge. Then he came back to the bed and crawled back in, holding his arms out, giving me the choice of if I wanted to get back on his lap or not. I crawled back over and got comfortable, burrowing myself against his chest.

He just held me for a few minutes before he spoke again.

“Ky, this is completely your decision, and I’ll support whatever choice you make. But if you’re really that scared of them trying to hurt you again, or of them trying to hurt me, do you think you might be willing to talk to my dad? Just to see what your options are? I don’t care about myself, but I want you safe, and it doesn’t seem like you feel safe anymore.”

“Ian, the only time I’ve felt safe in over two years is when I’m with you,” I murmured through my tears. “Every time I set foot in that school, I’m terrified. This feeling is nothing new to me.”

“Be honest with me, baby. Have they done this to you before? After that night? Or is this new, after they suspected that I might know something?”

“No. This is new,” I admitted. “It’s all just been verbal until now, and it’s never been threats. Just the rumors being spread about me. But I can’t prove anything. It was two years ago, and all the evidence is long gone. It’s probably too late.”

“From what you told me, you have scars. You have that fresh cut from today. You have abite mark,which I bet they could match to Max’s dental records,” he pointed out. “You have evidence that something happened.”

I chuckled weakly. “You’ve been watching too muchLaw and Order.”

“Nah.Criminal Mindsis more my speed. By the way, I hate that I know this, but I guess it’s a perk of having a father who prosecutes these kinds of cases for a living. There’s no statute of limitations on rape in Kansas, and you have until ten years after your eighteenth birthday to report it. It’s not too late.”

I thought about it for a minute. I’d never bothered to research the laws on sexual assault in this state. I’d always been too scared of them to even think about coming forward, so it had never mattered to me.

Part of me really wanted to report it and get those monsters thrown in jail. But then what if they were found innocent? Or what if they were let out on bail until the trial? Or got off with just a slap on the wrist, like that one swimmer who had assaulted a girl and had actual witnesses to the attack?

And what would my life be like once I accused them publicly? I’d be a spectacle all over again. I didn’t know if I could handle going through that. It wasn’t worth it for the minimal punishment they’d probably get once Max’s dad hired a dream team of the most expensive criminal defense attorneys in the state.

“I can’t, Ian. I’m a coward, but I can’t do it,” I sniffled. “I can’t go through that. They’ll pick apart everything I say. They’ll try to twist everything because it took me so long to come forward. They’ll say the cigarette burns could have come from anywhere. The bite? Well, maybe it was consensual and it got out of hand. You have to know that happens. Your dad’s seen those lawyers in court.”

“Okay,” he said, rubbing my back. “You’re not a coward, Ky. You’re still the strongest person I know. There’s one more thing I want to ask you, though, and you can say no. It’s your call.”

“What?”

“Braden’s really worried about you. Would you be okay with talking to him and giving him a condensed version? You don’t have to tell him everything the way you told me, but what about telling him that the three of them did something to hurt you at a party and Max found out you told me?”

I nodded. I could live with that. I wanted to apologize to Braden for the way I’d freaked out on him anyway, and I had to admit it was smart to have someone else on the football team who knew the truth. It would give Ian some protection.

“You sure?” he pressed.

“I’m sure. I trust him, and it would be good for someone else on the team to know something,” I sighed.

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Braden’s number. They talked for less than a minute before Ian hung up and turned back to me.

“He’s going to skip out at lunch and come meet us here.”

I smiled weakly, then grabbed the remote control for my TV and scrolled through the channels, appropriately finding a rerun ofLaw and Order: SVUto watch while we waited.

* * *

Braden sat in my bedroom looking at me like a deer in headlights, like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

I hadn’t told himeverythingthe way I’d told Ian, but I’d done a little more than just say that Max, Tucker, and Drew had hurt me at a party. I’d told him they raped me and threatened to kill me if I talked, and I’d told him what happened with Max this morning so he’d understand why I’d freaked out when he tried to touch me.

“Fuck me,” he finally said, blowing out a long breath. “God, Ky. I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so sorry I ever helped those fuckers torture you.”

“You didn’t know,” I sniffled. “No one did.”

“It was that party, wasn’t it? The one in sophomore year. After homecoming.”

I nodded.

“Shit,” he growled. “I remember how Harrison was looking at you during spin the bottle that night. It gave me the creeps. Fuck, I should have…I should have said something. Tried to stop him. Or warned you.”

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