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Immediately, he let go of me and looked at me warily. “Do you need to stop?”
“No.” I took a deep breath and pulled my shirt off. “But that was in the way.”
Ian swallowed hard, letting his eyes roam up and down my upper body, and the look on his face told me that he liked what he saw. A lot.
“You’re gorgeous, Ky,” he rasped, barely above a whisper. “Can I touch you?”
I nodded timidly, despite my nerves. I wasn’t nervous about him hurting me, though. Not even a little bit. I was nervous because no one had ever touched me before. Not when they weren’t trying to hurt me. This was uncharted territory for me.
“Yes. Just…please take it slow. No one’s ever…” I trailed off, not sure what to say or how to remind him that, while I wasn’t technically a virgin anymore, it wasn’t by choice.
“I know, baby. It’s okay. Lie back down.”
I obeyed, lying flat on my back, and Ian gave me a soft, sweet, slow kiss. When he pulled back, he looked right into my eyes as he rested his hand on my bare stomach. I felt my breathing speed up, and I closed my eyes to center myself. To remind myself that it was him touching me, and that I loved and trusted him.
Ian’s lips brushed against mine again, lightly tugging at my bottom lip. “Stop me if you get uncomfortable. I’ll never force you, Ky.”
“I know,” I breathed. “I love you.”
“Te queiro mucho, bebé,” he whispered with another kiss.I love you so much, baby.
I felt his fingers start to trace a pattern on my stomach, and I realized he was trailing them over the three scars from the cigarette burns. Then he sat up, and I opened my eyes just in time to see his lips touch each of the scars. I gasped quietly, not expecting that, but it actually helped to calm me down. It reminded me who I was with. Those monsters had hurt me. He was trying, in the only way he knew how, to heal the pain they’d caused.
“You still okay?”
“Yes,” I breathed.
He laid back down, bringing his lips back to mine, and I felt his fingers toying with my bra strap. He didn’t try to lower it; he just traced around it and went down my arm and over my chest, just above my breasts.
My breathing sped up again, and once again, I was pulled back. All I could think about was Drew as he squeezed my breast, digging his fingers in. Leaving bruises that had taken a week to heal. Max’s dark, villainous gaze as he’d bitten me so hard that I still had the mark to show for it.
I tried so hard to bring myself out of it, but I couldn’t. I was stuck there, reliving the moment, the memories as vivid as if it had just happened yesterday.
“Ky, baby, open your eyes,” Ian murmured. “Look at me.”
His voice was like a guiding light, bringing me back to the present. I forced myself to obey his command and found myself staring into blue liquid fire. His eyes blazed with so much love that I couldn’t even wrap my head around it, accompanied by the anguish that was always present whenever he unknowingly did something that brought me back to that night.
I needed to push myself a little further. Just like the night when I’d finally told him everything, when I’d forced myself to keep going even though feeling his arousal had initially scared me. I’d managed to move past that, and knowing that I affected him like that didn’t faze me anymore now. Maybe if I tried to move past this, I could break down this mental barrier too.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled self-consciously. “It’s just…I was a virgin. When they…”
“I know, baby,” he said, putting his hand on my face. “It’s okay. If you need to stop, we can. You’re the one in control here.”
“I don’t want to stop. I love you and I trust you, but I can’t make myself stop remembering.”
He kissed me, as soft as a whisper. “You up for trying something? You can stop me if it’s too much, but I think it might help if you really don’t want to stop.”
“What?” I wondered.
“Keep your eyes open and look at me. Don’t look away.”
I did my best to obey, locking eyes with him. He leaned down for a kiss and pulled me close. Here, in his arms, I felt safe. Loved. Protected.
When he backed up, I forced myself to open my eyes.
“Can I touch you, Ky?” he asked, his gaze still fixed on mine.
Taking a shaky breath, I nodded.
