Page 68 of Breaking My Silence


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“It’s nice to meet you two,” Maya said with a smile. “I promise, we’re much more normal than we’re going to seem for the next few hours.”

“Everyone gets a little crazy at football games,” Melissa laughed as we sat down.

Eric huffed as he possessively wrapped an arm around her, but she still managed to turn toward me.

“You look all kinds of adorable in Ian’s jacket, by the way,” she said quietly. “I think I could fit in it with you, though.”

I chuckled. “Right? Thank God I didn’t get any puke on it. Oh! Check out these pics Hillary took of us when we dropped him off for warmups.”

I pulled my phone out of my purse and showed her the pictures.

“Oh, my God,” she giggled. “You two are too cute for words.”

“I miss you, though,” I sighed. “I feel like we never hang out anymore. And honestly, I really need to talk to you about something, but not in front of everyone.”

“I miss you too,” she mumbled. “I feel like I’ve been a crap friend lately.”

“No, you haven’t been. We’ve both been busy. Something just happened yesterday that I need a sounding board for.”

“Well, if you want to talk now, texting is a wonderful invention. Even if you’re sitting right next to the person.”

Since I already had my phone out, I pulled up our text thread and tapped out a message to her.

Me: Stuff happened yesterday. Stuff that ended with us both topless and him getting me off with his hand.

Melissa pulled her phone out of her purse and gasped when she saw the message, then grinned and hugged my arm before typing a response.

Melissa: OMG!!! I’m so proud of you! That’s huge!

Me: Yeah, but now my head is spinning.

Melissa: Do I need to kick his ass? Did he do something to make you uncomfortable?

I shook my head as I replied.

Me: No. He was so sweet. He asked me if I was okay with every little thing we did. And one time when I told him I wasn’t saying no, he told me he needed more than that and he’d never do anything unless he heard an enthusiastic yes.

Me: And then when I tried to…um, return the favor afterward, even though it kind of scared me to think about doing it, he stopped me. Said it was only about me.

Melissa bit her lip and took a couple of deep breaths, almost like she was trying to keep herself from crying, before starting to type her response.

It didn’t look like she was about to cry because she was happy for me, though. Or just because she was emotional. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. And even her face and the look in her eyes…it was just different somehow. Like some of her spark and bubbly personality had been dimmed.

I wished so much that she would talk to me about whatever was bothering her so I could help her with it. She’d been here for me for the past two years as I’d dealt with the trauma from my assault, and I needed to be here for her now.

Melissa: Please don’t tell me you’re doing the typical Ky thing and overthinking this. This is a GOOD thing. And if he was that patient with you yesterday, you know he’s not going to ask for anything you’re not ready for next time it happens either.

Me: But what if I WANT to be ready for it? What if I want to do more next time? I’m still a little scared of touching him there, but I feel like the only way I’m going to get over that fear is by just doing it. But what if I’m horrible at it?

Melissa: Just take it slow and take cues from him. You love each other, and that’s what really matters. The rest is just details.

I cracked half a smile as I read her response. She was right. Thatwaswhat was important.

Me: Are YOU okay? You don’t seem like yourself.

She took a shaky breath before responding out loud. “I’m fine. Just tired. I have no idea why my dad insisted on us going to Omaha for Thanksgiving when we couldn’t stay the whole weekend. It’s been a lot of driving the past couple of days.”

I wanted to believe that. I really did. But something told me that she could have written a book with what she wasn’t telling me.

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