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“I get off at six. Then I have dinner with Colin at seven. I should be back in my apartment and alone, without the worry of anyone overhearing me by nine.”
“Nine,” he repeated. “Got it. Do you have any questions for me?”
“Ah, I guess… what is your timeframe here? Should I be on my toes, or…”
“I’m thinking at least a week. You have to get the information to me. And then we have to track everyone down, figure out what they look like, where they live, if they need to get caught up in the sweep or not.”
Sweep.
That was a very casual way of saying mass murders.
“I can help you with that.”
“Having you pick and choose who comes out of this and who doesn’t? I don’t think so. That’s a lot for someone’s conscience.”
He wasn’t wrong about that.
I mean, if you lined up all of Colin’s men, I wasn’t sure there was any of them save for Colin himself that I could say I wanted to see dead. But that was maybe only because they hadn’t directly hurt me the way Colin had, the way I knew Colin would if he felt he needed to.
I had never been a vengeful person. I hadn’t ever harbored much hatred in my heart.
I might not even have felt hatred toward Colin if it were not for the fact that he’d forced my brothers into his world, screwing up their chances at getting away, creating better lives for themselves.
Massimo was right.
The decision couldn’t be mine.
I wouldn’t be able to live with that.
But I could give him the information he needed, and let him do with it what he needed to.
I mean, I would still be at fault in a way. But I needed not to think about that.
This was about survival.
For me.
And my brothers.
“I know this might be hard,” Massimo said, “but I am going to need you to keep your brothers in the dark about this.”
“Yeah, no. I wasn’t going to say anything to them. I didn’t want them to be in an uncomfortable position because they knew what I was up to. It’s better for them to just… wake up one day to a different world with different opportunities for them.”
“And you,” Massimo said.
“I mean, yeah. Yes, of course. But I am mostly concerned for them.”
“I don’t think anyone who was looking at your situation from the outside would think you didn’t deserve to be a little selfish here,” he told me.
“I don’t need to be selfish. Just… free. To have sugar in my coffee and go outside for a walk if I want.”
“Not in this neighborhood,” he said, shaking his head.
“Actually, this is my old stomping ground. I know how things probably looked from the outside. That Cody was the bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks who tempted the good girl cheerleader away from her cozy, safe life.”
“That’s not how it was?”
“No. Actually, I was the one from the bad area. I was the one with the parents who were constantly drinking or drugging and beating up on each other. I was the one who had the Goodwill clothes. Cody had a comfier, more stable life. I mean I only got cheerleader because—“
