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Without thinking, I jerk my wrist free and slap him across the face.
He rubs his chin and cheek but keeps his eyes on me like a hawk.
We’re both panting.
Did I just hit him? Yes, I did. Multiple times during our conversation.
I couldn’t stop myself. I hate him so much, hate him with all my guts.
Yet I can’t stop myself from kissing him back. Right away.
My lips clash with his, unable to resist the pull. But fuck, I should hate him for what he did.
“No,” I mumble, pulling back again.
I rub my own lips, wanting to get his taste off me, but I can still taste him on my tongue. I hate how badly I want more.
He frowns and cocks his head. His hand reaches for my face again, and he brushes my cheek with his thumb. He leans in … pressing his lips to mine again.
And I’m lost.
Lost in the small space that consumes us.
He numbs the pain.
He fills the void in my heart.
And I hate him for it.
I push back as hard as I can, but I only manage to let out a meager growl. “I fucking hate you.”
His tongue darts out to lick his bottom lip. “That’s okay. Hate me as long as you need to.”
He goes in for the kill again, but I shove him away. “What? No. That’s not how it goes.”
“Then how should it go?” he says, lifting a brow as he keeps approaching me.
I walk backward, stumbling across the ground, not knowing where to go. I just know I need to back away from him before I lose it again. Before I lose myself to him.
Is it already too late? Have I already given my heart away?
I shiver when he speaks in that rough voice of his again. “Jules, you can’t keep running away from this.”
“Like hell, I can’t!” I reply. “You … you’re everything I shouldn’t want!”
A flush spreads on my cheeks as my own words echo in my head. What the hell did I just say? Did he hear it too?
That smirk on his face says it all.
“Hate me then,” he says, still coming closer. “As hard as you can.”
I try to move back, but I’ve reached a dead end. Or more specifically … a tree.
With my back against it, he traps me in his arms, placing a hand on the trunk right beside my face.
“What I did in the past doesn’t change a thing about what I feel for you now,” he says, catching one of my hair locks, curling it around his finger. “I love you, Jules.”
I shake my head, but he takes my face with his hand and covers my mouth with his. The sweet taste of his lips floods my brain with hormones, forcing me to forget.
But I can’t forget. I’m here because of him.
“No …” I mutter between his kisses.
“Yes. I love you, Jules. Nothing about that will ever change.”
“Don’t say those words,” I say, hissing when he kisses me again.
“I love you.”
I bite his lip, and he jerks back, touching his lip. It’s bleeding. A sliver of regret washes over me, immediately replaced by the pang of guilt. Pete, Ollie, and the pilot are dead because of what he did.
“You killed them …”
“The bird did,” he says. “And that wasn’t nice of you.”
“You shot that bird!”
“And what do you want me to do about it now?” he says, right up in my face.
My lips part, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t know the answer. And neither does he.
That’s why he keeps staring at me. Keeps pushing back.
There is no way their deaths can ever be undone.
No way to change the past …
“Let me love you, Jules,” he says, grabbing my face.
“I hate you,” I say, staying strong even though I’m faltering.
I should hate him. I should, with all my heart.
He shakes his head, smiling. “You don’t mean that,” he says.
I frown. “Yes, I do.”
“Stop lying,” he says. “I can see it in your eyes.”
My pupils dilate, and I immediately look away, but he won’t allow me to turn my head. Instead, he smashes his lips back onto mine, kissing me with all the love he has to give.
They’re hard and soft at the same time, greedy but gentle. As if he wants to show me he cares but is afraid to lose me all at once.
I don’t even know what to feel at this point.
I’m torn between two kinds of needs.
The one where I want to rip him to shreds.
And the one where I want to jump his bones.
Neither is good.
My heart swelling with pain and desire all at once completely overtakes my brain.
“I need you, Jules,” he growls between ragged breaths. “Hate me. Love me. I don’t care. But don’t you dare run.”
He plants his hands firmly against the tree, caging me in as he keeps on kissing me. I’m helpless to stop him. My heart can’t say no. Not to him.
