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WHAT LED ME BACK TO YOU

PRESENT

It’s taken a lot of back-and-forth with myself to reach this point.

But here I am, dialing his number. It isn’t the same one I once had a lifetime ago and I wonder when he changed it.

I’m grateful that he did. The years of the sting of scrolling past his name in my contacts are dulled by that knowledge.

Peter moved out a few days ago. Penny decided to stay with him for the first few nights and when she returned, Jilly took her place. It’s hard to find a semblance of normalcy in the new life we’ve created, but Peter and I manage. We have to, for the girls’ sake. They didn’t ask for us to make these big decisions.

Or for me to, anyway.

I pace my office, my thumb hovering over the call button as I try to think of what the hell I’m doing here.

In true Abraham fashion, he hands me the bullets, but I’m always the one to pull the trigger. So, I take a deep breath as I press my thumb down, the first ring keeping me from exhaling.

Two rings in and he answers.

“You have the same number?” His voice sounds so familiar but I have to remind myself that I don’t know this man. Not really. Not after all these years and not after the decisions we both made, leading us here.

I never changed it because myyiayiahad it memorized, and by the time she passed, it felt wrong to do so. But he doesn’t need to know that.

“Ever the dependable one,” is all I can muster in response. But in my mind, the responses are aplenty.

All this time, you knew how to get in touch with me.

Were you too much of a pussy to dial my number? To try to reach out? To apologize?

“I’m sure you’re surprised to see me coming around after all this time,” he starts and it’s strong, the desire to hang up on him. Instead, I opt for coldness.

“I have no feelings either way.”

I expect a swift rebuttal, for him to call me out on my lie. For him to stroke his ego like the flaming torch that it is. After all, a cold breeze does nothing to a fire that large.

He only gives me silence and I’m able to think back to a time I don’t want to exist in anymore. If only I could rip young Sabrina from his lifeline, talk some sense into her and tell her that the only thing that faces her at the end of this journey is disappointment.

But then I wouldn’t have met Peter. I wouldn’t have Penny and Jilly. And no matter what, I will never fully regret anything that led them to me.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to finally reach out to you,” he starts and I wish I could press my palms to my ears and yell the way Jillian does when she doesn’t like what she’s hearing.

I don’t want his apology. What can that do for me?

“I’ve moved on, as you know,” I remind him.

“Do you think my timing is impeccable or are you curious about what led me back to you?”

The distinct edge of his accent reminds me of all of the wonders of his talented tongue. What it can do with soft, sensitive flesh. The sounds it can elicit from me.

“It seems like you want to share, no matter what I say.”

Does he not understand that nothing he shares can change the years between us, the decisions we’ve made?

“I told my assistant to keep an eye on you—”

I hear the front door open, and I frown, cutting Abraham off.

“One second. Someone’s here.”

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