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His head ached and his heart longed for Oleander. He could love her from a distance, that feeling would take years to fade away. But being in the same room as his family and knowing he could lose whatever was left of his life exhausted him. Jackson knew learning about racism had come really late, but he also believed it was better late than never. It made him wonder how often this happened to Oleander, because she fought back without even hesitating. It hurt to think she’d had to go through this more than once and it had numbed her to the way people behaved.
Blowing out a breath, Jackson shook his head and counted backwards from 50. It was a tactic his sensei taught him when he showed up to karate with a dark cloud over his head. It might have only been three weeks, but it felt like three years. He’d spent the whole time learning about where he went wrong and how to fix what he’d done. Jackson felt like maybe it was too late to fix things with Oleander.
But fuck, he wanted to try.
The passenger door of his car opened and he opened his eyes to find Mindy sliding in beside him. Jackson shook his head, silently letting his stepmother know that he didn’t want to talk about it. But this was like high school all over again—Mindy knew he needed the help, so she was going to sit there until he listened and did whatever needed to be done to fix the situation.
What Mindy didn’t know yet was that Oleander had ended things.
And like he predicted, he did something to fuck it all up.
“I’m sure that was hard.”
Jackson huffed. “The ultimatum or admitting I was wrong?”
“Both.” Mindy gave his arm a squeeze and Jackson relaxed back in his seat.
“I just stood there and did nothing. Even after we got home, she said all these things and I kept defending Beth. Or at least I kept ignoring all the things that were wrong with what Beth said. And it hurt Oleander.”
“But you understand what you did wrong?”
“At the time, I didn’t know why Oleander was getting so angry with me,” Jackson sighed. “But, I get it now. I told her she was overreacting. I made it seem like I believed in what Beth was saying and kept making it worse every time I opened my mouth.”
Mindy winced and Jackson groaned. She squeezed his arm again and Jackson shook his head. “I basically shut her down, and instead of supporting her, I kept insisting she ignore it.”
“Oh honey,” Mindy said softly. “Nobody, woman or man, wants someone they’re leaning on to brush things aside.”
“I didn’t even realize what I was doing. Oleander was right to leave me. What kind of partner does it make me if I don’t know what my girlfriend is going through and I can’t defend her when someone says the shit Beth did?”
Jackson heard Mindy sigh at his words, but he continued. “And I called hersilly. Her ex…he hurt her so much, Mindy. And he called her silly and pathetic, and more I don’t wish to repeat. I dismissed her and her struggles the way he did and I didn’t even realize it till later.”
A low whistle came from the passenger seat and Jackson clenched his fists as he glanced at Mindy, smiling sadly at the look on her face. She sat quietly, hand still on Jackson’s arm and after a long moment, she spoke.
“Soon after we got married, your father called me childish and sensitive because I was getting worked up over something related to you. He kept saying you had to fend for yourself and I refused to listen. But you know your father, he insisted he was right and I was wrong. I left the house and stayed with a friend for the night.” Mindy paused and Jackson realized he’d never known about this. “The next day, your father showed up at my friend’s house with my favorite coffee and a breakfast pastry. We sat on the porch and he apologized. But more importantly, he admitted where he was wrong, and he accepted he’d overstepped and said awful things to me.
“You can’t undo what Beth has done, you can’t take her words back and make Oleander feel better. But what you can do is apologize for where you went wrong.” Mindy nodded at Jackson’s pained expression. “I know your issue is not admitting you were wrong, but what comes after. And that’s good—you should be worried. She might not take you back, she might forgive you or she’ll tell you everything is fine and you can be friends. But whatever she decides, Jackson, you have to accept it. Because you hurt her and it’s going to take more than an apology to make up for it.”
Jackson nodded, blinking back the tears. If his father and Mindy could sort through their issues, he and Oleander could as well. He glanced at Mindy and she smiled at the expression on his face.
“I believe you and Oleander can sort through this, and if nothing else, you’ll be able to have her in your life again in some way or the other. Isn’t that enough?”
“I’ll take what I can get.”
Mindy laughed softly, “You love this girl, Jackson, so go and get her.”
