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“Well, isn’t that nice. But, I doubt it’s got anything to do with me, Mum. Roman’s not that bad really, he’s just a little lost…”
“Well, that was the impression I’d had for years. But, Carmen seems to think you found him, hon.”
“Sure, I did,” I replied sarcastically, throwing the vegetables in the slowcooker pot with the meat so it was ready to turn on the next morning. Although, that explained why Mum had been so chilled about Roman and I hanging out. “What are you doing in there anyway?”
“Looking on the real estate website.”
A chill entered my veins, but I acted nonchalant; it might not be what I thought it was. “Really?”
“Yep. I thought I’d see what sort of places there were for next year.”
“I’ll have a look later, okay?”
Mum was silent for a while, just the occasional typing or mouse click. I was just starting to hope she’d moved on to bigger and better things when I heard her make a little triumphant noise.
“Oh, here’s a nice little place. Central. Looks clean.” A pause. “Honey?” Mum finally called when it was obvious I wasn’t going to reply.
I mentally sighed, so over everything. I had Hadley in one ear nattering about applying to Melbourne and Sydney universities as well as Adelaide because, in her words, “if we’re moving away, anyway…” I had Mum in my other trying to get me to look at places to live when I didn’t even know what uni I was going to get into. If any!
“Piper?” Mum called.
I finished washing my hands in the kitchen sink and leant on the bench, “Yeah, I… I heard you. Can we not–?”
“Sweetie, they’re designed for students! And, you want to get somewhere nice. The sooner, the better!”
My heart raced, my breathing was shallow and my head was just raucous static noise. I looked out the back window and could almost see the lake. I could feel the calm that that elicited in me at the edge of myself as though it were waves lapping the shore. I threw a look back to where Mum was still talking, not really paying me and my lack of attention much mind at all. Back out the window. Back to Mum. Back out the window.
I was out the back door while Mum was still saying something about two bedrooms. I was averse to running at the best of times – I was averse to exercise in general, which was humorous given how often I felt the urge to run – but I needed to leave my problems behind. So, I ran. I ran down to the lake, the closest thing I had that could bring me comfort.
It was dark, but I didn’t really notice.
My leg hit something, but the sting didn’t slow me down and I hoped I wasn’t going to regret that later. A branch caught my arm as I rushed past, moving quite spectacularly for me and my usual level of fitness or lack thereof.
I broke free from the last few trees and over the rise, coming to a sudden stop just shy of the water, and took a deep breath as I fought to keep my balance. My heart pounded and it wasn’t just from exertion. Tears were in my eyes, but it wasn’t just from smacking into wayward tree branches.
I was so unprepared for the next year and I really didn’t want to think about it. I knew I couldn’t really put the whole thing off for all that much longer. But for now, I was going to keep avoiding it.
I started pacing, trying to calm the noisy static in my head, and trying to steady my racing heart and my shallow breath. But, my mind whirred; the stress of the next year pushed up incessantly against the static wall in my mind, making the panic ebb and flow on the edges of my soul. I needed distracting. I needed something to take my mind off it completely.
I was pulling my phone out and it was to my ear before I noticed what I was doing. I didn’t even know whose number I’d called until I heard the familiar voice yelling over loud music.
“Yeah?” He sounded like he’d been drinking and there were the familiar sounds of a party in the background.
“Roman…”
“Piper?” he yelled, sounding like he was sobering up a little.
“I… Uh, hi…”
“Babe, you okay?” His voice alone soothed my racing heart a little and the concern made me feel more than just the weird numbness that was threatening to overwhelm me.
“I… No? I don’t know. Sorry, you’re busy. I’ll talk to you later.”
“No apolo–”
“Fuckin’ let’s go, Lombardi!” someone called to him.
“Give me a minute,” Roman yelled back.
