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Chapter Twenty-Six
Hadley and the Unhelpful Advice.
“You and Roman totally went out,” Hadley said accusingly as we were studying.
I shook my head. “No, we didn’t.”
“You so did. Don’t lie to me.”
She was totally teasing. But, sick of the lies and the half-truths, I dropped my pencil. Well, throw was more apt a word as it clattered and bounced across the table.
“No. That was the exact problem, Hads. We didn’t date. We hooked up, we had some fun, nothing more. Then Mason finally asked me out and Roman…moved on. The problem is we then realised it hadn’t been just a bit of fun, it had been something more. And now we’ll never know.”
I was staring at my book and she didn’t say anything for the longest time. I finally looked at her and she was glaring at me with her mouth open.
“You what?” she finally asked.
I sighed and looked back down. “In the holidays, Roman and I ended up hanging out. Like every night of the holidays. One thing eventually led to another and we had sex. We had sex and we didn’t have sex. Then, Mason asked me out and it all became weird and awkward and complicated. Roman and I stopped seeing each other at all, our friendship was strained, and it was all just so fucked up.”
She didn’t say anything again and I didn’t really want to look at her and see the accusation of her face.
“Yeah, okay. I’m sorry I took your guy from you. Hos before bros and all that. But, it just happened, Hads.”
“I’m less concerned with the fact you stole my dream man, and more concerned with the fact that you just said ‘fuck’ without batting an eyelid, and that you popped your cherry without telling me! What did he do to you?”
“Nothing. He didn’t do anything to me.”
“I mean… Shit, Pipe. You lost it to Roman Lombardi!” She sounded all at once excited and confused.
I nodded. “Yeah, I lost it to Roman Lombardi.”
“How was it?”
I couldn’t stop my stupid grin. “How do you think it was?”
“Amazing?” she sighed.
I nodded. “Yeah, about that.” Although, not for the reasons she’d assume.
“Oh my God!” she squealed. “You lost it to Roman!”
I smiled. “This was not the reaction I expected.”
“What sort of reaction did you expect? Oh shit! Is that what all those looks and thosemomentswere? Shit, he didn’t nail and bail. Double shit! He still wants you! Triple shit! What are you going to do?”
“Hang on…” I looked at her. “Where is the chastising? Where is the telling me I made poor life choices? Where is the comparison between how terrible Roman is for me and how Mason’s my John Cusack?”
“Everyone knows Mason’s your John Cusack.” She waved a hand. “But, I just don’t know what to address first, to be honest.” Hadley re-settled herself. “Okay, so… Start at the beginning. You guys hung out?”
So, I did. I ran her through the first few nights at the lakeshore, the night we first slept together, the days and nights after that, and every nuance she’d missed out on. I finally told her how I felt like shit sometimes and didn’t know why. I told her all the things I should have been telling her from the beginning but feared she’d judge me for. The things I could just so easily and cavalierly tell Roman, of all people.
“And, I missed all of this?” she asked when I was done.
“I’m sorry, Hads.”
She sighed. “No. I’m as much to blame. I totally should have noticed all this. How did you… Are you okay?”
I dropped my head onto the desk. “I don’t know,” I said honestly.
