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Chapter Thirteen
Lies = Bad. Normal = Good.
Conveniently, it decided to rain all Sunday. So we stayed in my room and he actually agreed to watch whatever I chose. I was a terror and made him watch a bunch of Rom-Coms, but paid him back by making him a pasta bake he apparently loved and throwing in a few of John Cusack’s non-Rom-Com movies for good measure.
We spent a crazy amount of time with each other over the next week. When Hadley wasn’t in my ear or making me go shopping (thank God, she accepted my excuses to stay home at night), I was with Roman. Something held us together that neither of us seemed inclined to put into words. I wasn’t sure if it was one or both of us feeling down, or the fact that he made me feel good, calm, relaxed, and sang at me far too often. But whatever it was, not putting it into words was fine by me.
During the day, we’d spend time with Maddy or just hang out while he did tricks on his board, I read or did homework, we played on our phones, channel surfed, I made him watch bad movies, or we ate complete junk and called it lunch. Nights were much the same with my parents away. He shared dinner with me some nights – sitting on the kitchen bench and being unhelpful, useless, funny, and annoying. Others he went home for as long as it took to get Maddy to bed then came back in a mood and put his head in my lap while we watched TV.
There was no pressure to get physical, and we didn’t always. Some days, we barely kissed. Others we couldn’t seem to get enough of each other. Roman just seemed to know when I felt like it; his touch was never unwelcome, I never had to hurry myself up to get in the mood to match his libido or anything – not that I’d ever done anything I didn’t want with anyone, but sometimes it took a bit of time to get in sync.
We laughed, we talked, we didn’t talk. It was one of the best weeks of my life and there was zero pressure and zero expectations. Juggling Hadley and keeping Roman quiet when she rang was difficult at times. But, he seemed just as keen as me to keep whatever we had on the down-low; I noticed him gloss over his precise whereabouts on the few occasions he talked to his friends on the phone.
It wasn’t until my parents got back on Friday night and Mum asked if I’d really been okay while they were gone that I realised I hadn’t felt that overwhelming anxiety or funk for days. When I told Mum I felt good, I really meant it for the first time in what felt like a long time.
She and Dad monopolised my time as much as possible over the next few days, but Roman and I still managed to make some time for each other during those last few days of the holidays.
But, Tuesday it was back to school and I walked out my front door to find Roman, actually in his uniform, leaning against his car and puffing away on a cigarette.
“Oh, you’re actually going to school today?” I quipped and he grinned.
He shook his head and avoided looking at me. “I thought maybe you might like to avoid the bus and Iwasgoing to offer to drive you. But, for that, I might just make you take the bus anyway.”
I shrugged. “It’s all the same to me. I’ll see you at school, then,”
We caught each other’s eye and he laughed. “Get in the car, Barlow.”
“Bossy this morning.”
His humour faded. “Sorry. Maddy was up all night last night in excitement and was a right terror this morning.”
“I thought we didn’t apologise?” I asked, meaning to be funny, but he obviously didn’t take it that way.
He glared at me. “Do I apologise for apologising? Or, is that not allowed either?”
“Jesus, you’re moody today!”
“I thoughtthatwas allowed.”
I walked up to him and cupped his cheek. “You can be as cranky as you like, but it’s going to make me worry about you. You want to talk about it, or you just want to be in a super foul mood?”
He blew smoke over my head and wouldn’t look at me. “I just want to be in a super foul mood.”
There were a few times I didn’t like being so much shorter than him and this was one of those few times. He wouldn’t look at me and I couldn’t make him. So, I just nodded, pulled myself to tip toes, and kissed his cheek. As I pulled away, his arm went around me and he pulled me close. It was all the apology or gratitude I would ever need from him.
Funny how, after two weeks with someone, it was possible to know them so well. When others you’ve spent years with and feel like maybe you don’t know them so well after all.
He kissed the top of my head as he pulled the door open and helped me into the cab. Still not looking at me, he shut the door and went around to the driver’s side, having ditched his cigarette butt outside. We didn’t talk. For the second time in the last two weeks, the tension sizzled between us like charged air. We all remember what happened last time, but I had no idea what was coming this time.
I hadn’t told Hadley about any of the past two weeks. I’d wanted to keep it just mine. Besides, how do you tell your best friend that you did something that she would think was totally out of character? I didn’t want her having a go at me and ruining something I’d enjoyed.
Had it been entirely sensible? No, not so much. Okay, probably not at all. Hanging out with the school’s resident underachiever was probably on the bottom of my bright ideas list. Having sex with him was probably at the top of my dumb ideas list. But, it had been fun and I didn’t regret a second of it. Iwasworried Hadley’s – or anyone else’s – reaction might make me, though.
Even so, as we pulled into the school carpark, the first bit of regret started gnawing at me. But, I knew I was just being stupid.
“You ready for this?” Roman asked, staring forwards.
“For what?”
