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Finally, after a bit of wanky hand-waving hesitation, I put my arms around him. He kissed my temple and lay his cheek on my head. A part of me hated how the antsy, itchy feeling dissipated in his embrace, even now.
“Okay. Now, do you want to talk about whatever the fuck this is actually about? Or are you going to let me drive you to school and we’ll deal with it later?”
I felt like I should push him away, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I rested my hands on his chest and didn’t say anything because I thought I’d start crying if I opened my mouth.
“Piper. Come on, babe. If it’s about that arsehole, Carter. He’ll get to it, okay? I see the way he looks at you and I know he wants you. I shouldn’t have kissed you, not when he’d asked you out. That wasn’t fair of me. And I know we don’t apologise, but I will apologise for that. Because, I was putting me first – not you – and there’s no excuse for that.”
I sighed and shook my head, burying my face in his jumper.
“You can’t say things like that,” I mumbled, feeling like I was holding onto his blazer lapels for dear life.
“Like what?” he asked.
“Like putting me first.”
“Why not? Isn’t that what friends do, Barlow?”
I sighed, but couldn’t answer.
He pushed me to arm’s length and crouched to look me in the eye. “Barlow?”
“So, we are friends then?”
“Why would you think we weren’t?”
I huffed and turned away from him, waving my arms like an idiot. “Oh, I don’t know. How about the whole fact that I’d assumed we’d had sex because we had…an emotional connection? And I’m not talking love or romance, or whatever other bullshit excuse you might pull out here. I’m talking about actual, proper friendship that just happened to lead to sex. Two people who were there for each other emotionally were there for each other physically. But what am I supposed to think, knowing you gave us an expiry date? An expiry date, Roman!”
“What? I never… Where are you getting this?”
“From you. You said it was over when Mason asked me out. So, what?” I flailed my arms in a wild shrug. “Mason asks me out and that’s it? I lose your friendship? I have to choose between him and you?”
“Fuck! No,” he sighed. “That’s not what I meant. I just thought it was a little immoral for us to have sex after he asks you out.”
“Well, duh. But, that means we can’t even hang out?”
“No! I just assumed you’d be going on your date.”
Not that it was a date.
“When you obviously needed me?”
“Well you weren’t exactly there anyway, were you?”
“I assumed we were over!” I shouted, my voice heavy with sarcasm.
“Barlow, come on!” he yelled. “What do you actually think will happen when he asks you out for real, huh? You and I are still going to sit in your room and watch movies or lie in my truck and look at the stars? I don’t really think yourboyfriendis going to be okay with that.”
“So in essence, I do have to choose. I say yes to Mason and I lose your friendship?”
“No, I’m always going to be here for you. But, the nature of our relationship is going to have to change. That’s just how it is.”
I didn’t want to agree with him and I hated that he was the one thinking logically right now, but I had to admit he was right. What would it look like if Roman and I still did even the harmless things we did now?
“Fine,” I spat. “But, that day hasn’t come, okay? Whatever relationship I have with Mason is none of your goddamn business and you have no right to changeourrelationship unless you’re unhappy with it! No other reason!” I sounded like a petulant child having a tantrum, but I was so past caring about anything except not losing Roman at that point. I was being irrational and weird, but I couldn’t stop the feeling of impending doom.
He held his hands up in defeat and nodded. “Okay. We keep on keeping on until you give the word, Barlow.”
I nodded, breathing heavily.
