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SAOIRSE
My fingertips tugat the purple necktie as I glance at my reflection in the full-length mirror, checking out my new school uniform.
Honestly, I’m not mad at how the fitted black shirt slims my high bustline. Or how the purple and black pleated skirt elongates my short legs, making me appear taller than my five-foot-two self.
Finally, I swipe the fitted black blazer with the delicate purple trim from the edge of the bed and tug it on, completing the required Killybegs Secondary School dress code.
My hands brush against the double-breasted collar as I give myself one last once-over. I notice the school's crest stitched onto the left breast with purple and white stitching, a collective of four coats of arms, each one identical to the detailed lid of the box my mother entrusted me to take.
Beibhinn wasn’t lying when she said the Kings of Killybegs and their families run this entire town. No wonder Mr Devereux could get me into my final year without a minute's notice. This town was built on his family name, along with mine and two others.
Once I deem myself decent, I take a reassuring breath before blowing out the nervous energy coiling in my shoulders.
You’d think by now, starting at a new school would be a walk in the park, but it gets no easier. The only plus is that with every fresh beginning comes the chance to put my best foot forward and showcase the best version of myself.
Today is judgement day. How I portray myself, is how my new peers will perceive me the rest of my time at KS.
There is no room for weakness. Instead, I must hold my head high and demand respect. Otherwise, this pretentious town and its royal status quo will shred me apart.
Sure, the Devereuxs hinted that I have a place amongst the elite and future generation of Kings. However, I’m sure there will be many who will make me work for whatever title Isupposedlyhold.
Besides, I’m not even sure I want the legacy attached to my name. My mother’s past is foreign to me, and even though Beibhinn and Liam say I belong here, I don’t know the first thing about what being a Ryan entails.
Whatever it means, I know my mother wanted nothing to do with it.
One thing is for sure; I need to survive today. Secondary school is a cesspit, one I am determined to get out of alive.
“No need to be nervous,” I psych myself up. “It’s just one more first day in an already long list of first days.”
I hate the uncertainty in my tone, but the events that led me to Killybegs have muted my usual, sassy self. Instead, I’ve retreated inward with everything going on, and I hate it. Sure, there have been moments when snippets ofthe real Saoirsepeeped out with a sarcastic comment or a bitchy comeback. But for the most part, I’ve hidden beneath the weight of the past few days.
But, no more! Starting today, I will not feel sorry for myself. This is my new reality until I figure out what happened to my mam and why she kept me from this life. I need to accept that where I am right now is where I need to be.
Time to get on with the hand life has dealt me. My new beginning starts today. Let's hope I am strong enough to handle whatever it throws my way.
Never feed your fears, Saoirse. Because if you do, they’ll eat you alive.
My mother's final words to me ring through, filling me with the ache of her absence but also providing the confidence I need to take on whatever shitshow I’m about to walk into.
Placing my current life problems to the side, I plaster on a smile. “I am Saoirse Ryan, and I’m going to make Killybegs Secondary my bitch.”
A bark of laughter sounds from behind me, and my neck cranes towards the amused chuckle.
“As much as I love the little pep talk you’ve got going on.” Beibhinn’s hand circles the air as she saunters into my room and plops down on my mattress. “My brother is making breakfast. And, unless you have a thing for burnt bacon, we should probably head down there before he sets our lodge on fire.”
Heated cheeks aside, I turn to face her. “You heard that.” My brows deepen as I scrunch up my nose.
“Oh, yes! Iparticularlyloved the part when you said you would make Killybegs Secondary your bitch. That’s the kinda energy I need from this friendship.”
Her wide smile and the glimmer in her bright eyes ease my embarrassment. So, with a shake of my head, I shoot her a humour-filled eye roll and head towards the door. “Let’s go then.”
Beibhinn bounds off the bed and throws her fists in the air. “Killybegs Secondary School, you’re about to suck our massivemetaphoricaldicks.”
My head falls back as laughter barrels from my mouth. “You’re crazy. You know that, right?”
Her arm circles my shoulder, putting me into a side hug. “All the best people are, my friend.”
* * *
