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I smash my palms against the steering wheel, cursing every god in the fucking universe, blaming everyone but myself. I did everything right. I saved her. I helped her. I kept things a secret and she was the one that spilt it.
Fucking Amy.
* * *
Isit in my car watching my house, watching as the lights go out and my heart, just like my house, becomes engulfed in darkness.
When my phone rings, the shrill tone cuts through the ugly silence and Amy’s name flashes on the screen. That little bitch has the audacity to call me. I stare at the name, the screen bright in the darkness. My hand clutches the phone, but I don’t pick up. Not the second or third time either.
When she calls for the fourth time, I pick up. “What the fuck did you do? You ruined my marriage, my fucking life.”
“I’m ending things, just like you wanted, Joe.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” My knuckles blanch as my grip tightens around the phone and the line cuts away on the other end. “Amy? Amy?” I shout her name into the silent phone.
I call her back, but she doesn’t answer. I try a second and third time, but the line just rings out.
“Fuck!” I pull and tug on my steering wheel like a mad man, then crank the engine, pulling away like a demon. I drive too fast and too recklessly as I plough my way through the dark streets and towards her apartment.
My tyres screech as I come to a stop and park unevenly, the butt of my car jutting out of the perfectly straight line. I don’t give a shit. Slamming my car door, I rush towards her apartment building and ring the buzzer. She ignores me. I buzz again, holding it in for longer, and still, she ignores me.
“Amy.” I call her name and bang on the door, buzzing her apartment. “Amy!” I scream again, feeling the anger rise inside me like smoke; dark, thick and suffocating. “Amy!” I call again, banging and buzzing, and still she doesn’t come. Above me, the apartment building lights up like a Christmas tree as every tenant hears me below them.
The lobby explodes with light, and there, on the other side of the glass door appears Amy. She is wearing a loose white singlet and short pyjama pants and is holding her phone. She walks towards me, long sure strides. She smiles at me. It’s one of her beautiful ones, one that could melt an iceberg with its intensity. And as I stop and stare, her face creases and folds, her smile crumples, and tears begin to leak down her face. I see terror there, ugly and fierce and unwarranted. Her phone appears in her hand. She holds it up and dials, making sure I see the numbers.
999
She puts the phone to her ear, and a few seconds later she starts to speak. I retreat from her door, and she watches me take a few startled steps back. As she talks, her face changes again, and she winks at me.
I bolt to my car and drive away.
* * *
Morning comes in streaks of light blue that carve through the black curtain as if it has been clawed by a beast. My body aches and my eyes burn as I push myself out of my car and stare at my front door, knowing somewhere behind it, Annie is likely waking up to an empty bed and getting my girls ready for their day. My life feels immediately emptier without them.
I take a few stiff steps and knock on the door. She makes me wait. I don’t blame her. When she finally comes to the door, she is almost unrecognisable. Her beautiful blue eyes are puffy and red, her complexion stark and pale, and her face drawn and miserable. Guilt stabs at my heart with its sharp claws, knowing I am the one who caused this.
“Annie, can I come in please?”
“No.”
“Annie—” Tears pool in her eyes, and I want to look away from the devastation I’ve caused, but I don’t dare take my eyes off her. “Please?”
She wipes her eyes and straightens her back, pulling her robe tighter around her. Her voice shakes when she speaks. “After I drop the girls off, I’m going to call a lawyer. I’m going to take everything; the house, your money, our girls, you will never see this baby!”
“Annie—”
“No! I’ve stood by you. While you didn’t come home, while you fucked up your job, while you fucked some little girl instead of coming home to us. You made your choice, and I’ve made mine. I’ve earned this. You owe me.”
I stare at my wife. This woman with whom I’ve shared my bed for almost thirteen years, and what I find is a cold-hearted stranger. “Ioweyou? What the fuck, Annie? This is a marriage. For better or worse.”
“Pfftt. We both know that if you’d used a condom that night neither of us would be here.”
I glare at my wife. We both know it’s the truth, but it’s always remained unspoken.
“You crossed the line, Joe. There’s no coming back from this.”
“Annie.” I try to reach for her, but she flinches back, hiding her body behind the door.
“I need to get the girls ready.” She closes the door in my face, and I hear the lock click into place.
Fuck.
