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Chapter 20
Harlow
IgrimacedasI walked out of the coffee shop, my shoes squelching from spilt drinks. That had been a hard shift.
I’m not sure what it is about Wednesdays but people were always highly strung and aggressive. The amount of abuse hurled at me as well as trying to learn on the spot, made for one hell of a day. Not even the promise of free coffee helped my sour mood.
Besides the shit that came with work, today was also just a hard day in general.
It was my mom’s birthday.
We used to have a tradition for our birthdays – pancakes and coffee for breakfast followed by pampering. My favorite was getting a massage or my hair done. I still hadn’t gotten my hair touched up and the thought saddened me as I pictured mom and I together.
The weather wasn’t too bad. It was overcast and a bit chilly, but nothing to sneeze at so I decided to walk to the cemetery. A bit of exercise would do me good.
I also hoped that maybe I’d run into Lily. She had been busy recently but we had managed to send a few text messages back and forth. I could have really used a friend right about now.
The rusty grey metal cemetery gates were open and I slipped inside, all too familiar with Maxwell’s home of the dead. I knew the exact number of steps to my parents’ graves, the surrounding deceased people’s names and even the groundskeeper. Sometimes, Alejandro would give me a wave, other times he looked like he was deep in his own disturbed thoughts. Though he did briefly mention in his broken Hispanic accent that I should have gone after the cemetery attendant job to help him.
As I reached my parents’ resting place, I sat down on the ground with my legs crossed.
“Hi dad, hi mom. Happy birthday...” I muttered as I stared at the date engraved on the marble. “Wish you were here. We could have been doing something fun. Instead, I’m just here... at your gravesite all alone, trying to deal with the mess you left me in.”
My tears spilled out before I could even stop them, and I let out little sobs as I rambled on.
“I’m so alone. You left me alone. I’ve got nothing and no one. I hate this. I hate it. I can’t do this anymore.”
Even though logically the silence made sense, it still hurt me. It was a constant reminder that I was alone.
I pulled my knees up, hugging them as I rocked gently back and forth. I could feel the sting of the cuts underneath my jeans, rubbing against the rough fabric. But the flicker of pain was merely an annoyance at worst, and a godsend at best.
Physical pain no longer had a barrier. Instead it protected me from the bubbling feelings inside. It gave me something to connect with and hold on to when the emotional pain was too much.
Except it was too much.
All the time now.
Eight long fucking months I had fought back. Eight months I had begged and pleaded to everyone to believe me, to take notice of me.
But nothing. I meant nothing.
Footsteps sounded behind me and I quickly flicked away the loose tears, turning my head to find Alejandro looking at me. His dark eyes were blank, but I could just see confusion through the emptiness.
“What’s wrong, Miss Harlow?” he asked, his combover flailing in the light wind.
“Nothing, Alejandro. Am I in your way?”
He shook his head. “No, no. I just go next to your papa. The grass needs trimming.” He motioned to the empty plot next to dad.
I nodded, looking at the space. “Is that a gravesite?” I asked, unsure given the close proximity.
“Si. This row is nearly full. That is the last plot in this side. There are more sites over behind the mausoleum,” he gestured behind him to the square cold-looking, grey building.
“Oh, okay,” I answered, looking casually over. “Well, I’m going to head off so I’ll move out of your way. Take it easy, Alejandro.”
He waved a hand at me. “You too, Miss Harlow.”
As I walked back out the gates, I heard the garden trimmer fire up as Alejandro began tending to the vacant plots.
The thought of someone being buried so close to dad made me uneasy. I mean, it shouldn’t matter as they are all dead but I liked them having a bit of space between other sites. I could only hope that they were trimming as a general tidy up and not because someone was about to move in.
It should be for me.
My stomach turned as my internal words argued that I should be near my parents when I get laid to rest. A sarcastic laugh escaped as I tried to wonder who would even lay me to rest. They would probably just dump me into the ground or furnace.
A strange wave of jealousy and possessiveness surged through me as I thought about someone else taking the spot. I shook my head as I walked back towards the city, trying to fight off the weird, harmful voices in my mind.
I had to walk near Tronic’s on the way home, and I couldn’t help but stare up at the tall building, reminiscing about work and thinking of my old job. Coffee making and customer service was just not my forte. I missed the challenges that finances gave me and the sense of achievement and pride I felt.
My old coffee cart was perched in front of the entrance and a smile tugged on my face as I remembered better times. And better people.
Speaking of better people...
My heart jolted and began beating erratically as I caught sight of Bryson walking out of the doors towards the coffee cart. Even from a distance I could tell he looked stressed. His hand was curling into a fist before releasing, like he was squeezing an imaginary stress ball. His soft curls were a bit wild, as if he had been pulling at them or running his hand through his hair out of frustration.
Maybe I could go and say hi. Things were weird the other day when Dex had gone off.
Braving it, I started to head over, watching him as he placed his coffee order. A familiar mane of black hair floated up behind Bryson and I stopped as I watched Skylar throw herself onto him. She wrapped her arms around his torso and I waited for his reaction.
