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Parker
PARKER
My alarm is blaring from my phone. It’s only a few minutes past five a.m., but I’ve been up for hours.
It’s been a week since everything happened. Taking a deep breath, I try to encourage myself that I can face the day ahead. That I can find some corner of happiness to crawl into.
Breaking up sucks. But the way Hudson—I don’t even want to think of his name.Not yet. Every time an image of him pops into my head, I see red. But it’s not only anger, it’s everything in between that I never thought I could feel. It’s like every minute of waking, there’s a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.I miss him and I shouldn’t.
The way we broke up feels worse somehow. It feels worse than it felt with Ryan. Maybe it’s because Ryan was just an asshole and Hudson was a psycho.The very same psycho that knew every inch of me and everything about me.Besides, Ryan and I never had sex. I had sex with Hudson. So it wasn’t just my emotions involved. It was abrupt. As if someone had pulled the rug from underneath my feet and said, “You’ve been played Parker!”—as I fell back, knocking the air out of my lungs, not realizing the momentum at which I fell. We moved way too fast and I should have expected to be this hurt at the rate we going. How could I help it though? He was everywhere, involved in everything I did for these past few weeks. It was like going on an incredible roller coaster ride, experiencing the highs and lows, only to feel upset once it came to a stop.
Something inside me feels different; miserable and distant. Like I’m never going to be the same person again. I’m not being dramatic, because I don’t have a dramatic bone in my body. I truly don’t want to get out of bed and do anything. I want to do the unhealthy thing and cry myself to sleep while thinking of him because let’s face it, I can’t forget about him. No matter how hard I try.
My mind is not yet ready to analyze anything, so all I’ve been doing is burying myself into the last few pages of The Picture Of Dorian Gray, before starting Wuthering Heights.
I hadn’t realized it, but I’d been slacking with my work and it wasn’t until my English Professor, Mr. Tillman mentioned that my grades are falling and that I need to focus on my reading list before the end of the Spring semester.
I have a lot of things to do today. There’s the internship interview at Gulliver Books that I need to go to and then I have my creative writing classes in the afternoon, before helping Lex with her lines from a play later on.
But first, I need to head over to theVibe & Blissyoga studio. I seriously need to get back into my routine if I want to feel normal again.
“Good morning.” Lex pops her dark redhead through the ajar door.
Every month, Lex changes her hair color. And she’s been obsessing over elves recently, so her hair is cut a little roughly, kinda pixie-like, making her look cute and hot at the same time. I wish I could be as spontaneous as her, but my parents would probably disown me even though I’m old enough.
“Morning,” I tell her as I push the covers off me, before taking another deep breath.
“How many of those deep breaths have you taken?” she asks, folding her arms over her chest as she leans against the door frame.
“I lost count.”
“Well, listen up, bitch. I want you to do whatever you have to and then bring back the old Parker, ‘Kay? Otherwise, I’m going to have to go on a rampage searching for an egotistical ass with saggy balls to murder.” Her eyes are narrow. She means business and her threat is not to be taken lightly.
I can’t help but chuckle. “I’m fine, Lex. But I won’t stop you from going on that rampage.”
After I came back from my parent’s holiday home in Mastic Beach, I’d come back to Manhattan to find Lex waiting in our apartment from her awesome Spring Break weekend with her new beau, Kyle.
I didn’t tell her what happened back in Hampton Bays, but she knows enough from my mother’s frantic call when she couldn’t get through to me that night.
And now she’s put on her best friend protective shield over, watching that I don’t sink into depression or start eating an excessive amount of calories—not that I will. She’s awesome like that.
“I am ordering Chinese tonight. You can bring the wine. Sounds good?”
“Sounds good to me,” I tell her as I quickly make my bed and run my hands over the powder blue covers a few times to remove any of the creases.
“Love you,” she says, lingering in the doorway.
I know she’s keeping a close eye on me and even though all I really want right now is space, I don’t tell Lex anything because I know she’s coming from a good place. I’d do the same if she was in my place.
“Love you too.”
When she leaves the apartment, I feel like getting back into bed, because I don’t have any enthusiasm to do anything else, but I force myself to have a quick wash, before I pull on my favorite pair of stretchy black tights and a matching crop top.
I sling my satchel over my shoulders and then leave the apartment building.
It’s a warm, Spring day and it’s busier than usual, people rushing to work, yellow cabs being hailed down. Babies are crying, businessmen and women yell into their AirPods and police cars along with ambulances are rushing to some unfortunate soul out there. I love the city so much and I wouldn’t exchange it for anything.
