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Rehearsals dragged on for hours. Because the songs were already fairly well fleshed out, everything turned into a tornado of minutiae: changing this note, tweaking that line. They started laying down preliminary tracks for one song – first Riley on drums, then Ryan on bass, then Killian for rhythm and lead guitar.
Miles had a gigantic vegetable and fruit tray delivered around three, and the band broke for dinner at six. They were back at it by six thirty. An hour later I wandered outside to the alley behind the studio, wishing for the first time ever that I smoked cigarettes just so I could have something to do.
Unfortunately, somebody followed me.
I was watching the sunset when Derek walked out.
“Hey,” he said nonchalantly.
I tensed up. “Hey.”
He saw my reaction and grinned. “You don’t have to be afraid of me.”
“I’m not afraid of you.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
“Then I guess I did,” I said, trying to be as icy cool as possible – though after I said it, it just sounded stupid.
He laughed and leaned against the wall beside me. “I guess you did.”
We stood there watching the sunset in silence, and every second I felt the tension ratchet up a few more notches. My stomach was uneasy, my heart was beating faster, and worst of all, I could feel myself getting turned on. I could smell him beside me – the musk of his scent mixed with some subtle cologne. It was awakening feelings inside me by the boatload, including guilt over not telling Ryan about last night – and shame that I still wanted Derek.
Finally I couldn’t bear it anymore, so I pushed away from the wall and announced, “I’m going back inside.”
He grabbed my wrist and held me there. “Don’t go.”
His touch was electric. His fingers on my skin sent a heated surge throughout my body.
“No, I really need to – ”
“Kaitlyn,” he said quietly, his eyes fixed on mine.
I stopped talking and stared back at him, my breathing shallow, my heart thumping in my chest.
“We both know who you should be going home with tonight,” he said.
“Yeah,” I said, pissed at his presumption. “Ryan.”
He smiled and stood up from the wall. “I like it when you play hard to get.”
“I’m not playing hard to get,” I said, my mouth dry.
“You did it four years ago, and look where that got us.”
“I wasn’t playing hard to get. I was with somebody…”
“Somebody who was wrong for you then. And you’re with somebody who’s wrong for you now.”
He circled around me as he spoke, and then started to move towards me. I backed up slowly, still hypnotized by his green eyes.
I knew I should run – I knew I should get the hell out of there – but something about the way he looked at me lit up every pleasurable nerve in my body. Kept me there like invisible chains.
“
You’re
wrong for me,” I murmured.
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “We both know I’m exactly what you need.”
“I don’t need you at all.”
“No… you just
want
me.”
I felt my back hit the brick wall. Nowhere to go.
He braced his hand on the wall so his arm was right over my shoulder. Leaned in closer, mesmerizing me with his eyes.
“I don’t want you,” I lied.
“Yes you do… I can feel it. I want you, too.”
“You only want the things you can’t have. And when you get them, you throw them away.”
He smiled. “That’s a great line for a song.”
His flippancy broke the spell.
“It’s my
life
we’re talking about, you asshole, not some line in one of your fucking songs.”
I tried to push past him, but he caught my arms and held me.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “You’re right.”
I stopped struggling. “Let go of me,” I said halfheartedly.
“Kaitlyn… I love you. I want you. I
need
you. And I’ll never forget that again, I swear.”
I swooned a little, I’ll admit. But I forced myself back to reality.
“I love Ryan now.”
“No, you’re
with
Ryan now. But you love me.”
“No, I don’t – ”
“Yes you do,” he whispered, and leaned in.
I turned my head to the side so he couldn’t kiss me –
