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“Okay, I’ve said a lot of stuff I didn’t mean. And I said it because I’m under a lot of stress. I’m sorry I said it. I love you, Kaitlyn. I just want to talk to you. Please. Just call me. I know we can get past this if you’ll just call me. Please… just call me.”
They went on and on and on like that.
And the later the messages got from the previous night, the drunker Derek became, until he was finally just slurring his words and almost crying in some of them.
I was alternately touched…
…and disgusted…
…and enraged.
Fucking call me back, you stupid –
I knew the next word was ‘bitch.’ Or worse.
He’d managed to hold back and not
completely
shoot himself in the foot – but I knew what the intention was.
That wasn’t even the worst of the voicemails. ‘Bitch’ got pretty free usage the drunker he got.
By the end, I was shaking with anger.
Ryan took longer than thirty minutes. By the time he returned, I had washed my face, brushed my teeth, and dressed in jeans and a simple top.
“Let’s eat breakfast, and then I’m ready to go,” I announced when he walked in.
Hell, I hadn’t even unpacked yet from the flight home.
He stood there with his bag of bagels and schmear and tray of freshly-squeezed orange juices. “You sure?”
“I’m sure. I just… I need to be clear with you if I’m going to do this.”
“Go for it.”
“I really, really like you, Ryan. But I’m not in love with you. And I’m never going to be. I know that sounds harsh, but… I can’t go with you if you’re expecting something from me. Something more than… just being friends.”
He gave me a smile. It seemed amused, not sad. “I’m never going to expect anything more than that, Kaitlyn.”
I relaxed. He seemed sincere. And so kind.
“…okay.”
He set down the bagels and juice and pulled out his phone. “I’ll go ahead and book the tickets.”
I put my hand on his arm to stop him. “Before you do that… there’s one more piece of business I need to take care of first.”
9
By 10AM, I found myself sitting across from Glen at Rolling Stone’s offices. Ryan sat by my side.
I hadn’t wanted to take him with me – it was something I felt I should do on my own – but Ryan won me over with logic.
“Is this guy going to treat you with respect?”
“Ha,” I snorted. “Probably not.”
“Is he going to threaten you?”
“Not physically.”
“But with lawsuits or something.”
“…yeah, probably.”
“And you owe him money?”
“…yeah…”
“And you’re late on the assignment?”
“
Oh
yeah.”
“So he’s probably going to go full nuclear on you.”
“Probably.”
“In cases like this, I’ve found it’s always good to have a powerful ally. And a witness.”
“Yeah, but…”
I was going to say,
He wants Derek, not you.
But I knew how rude and hurtful that was going to sound.
Ryan knew exactly what I was thinking – again. I could tell by the slightly amused upturn in the corner of his mouth. It was a little eerie how well he could read me. But he didn’t show that he was bothered by my thoughts in the slightest. “Of course he wants Derek. But since you want out, I’m his next best option. He’s not going to get Derek except through me. If he has half a brain, he’ll realize that.”
“But
you
can’t get Derek to do anything, either.”
“Yeah, but this Rolling Stone guy doesn’t know that.”
I sighed and eventually gave in.
I’m so glad I did.
