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89
I rushed out into the hallway. “Are you okay?”
He gave me a dark smile. “That didn’t exactly go as planned.”
“Really now,” I said sardonically.
He grinned, then pulled me to him and hugged me.
“I
would
fight for you,” he said quietly.
“I know.”
He leaned over and kissed my forehead. He paused for a second, seeming to think… and then he turned around and walked back into the studio.
“Whoa – hey – where are you going?!” I cried out, but he didn’t answer.
Terrified of what might happen, I followed right behind him.
“I’m not leaving this band,” Ryan announced as he walked in.
Derek was standing in the corner, trying to pull it together. When he heard Ryan’s voice, he looked over, his eyes flashing.
Miles unloaded on Ryan. “You bloody idiot – I told you to – ”
Ryan merely talked over him. “I co-founded Bigger, and I’ve written every single melody we’ve ever put out. I’m not leaving.”
Derek gave a dangerous smile. “Well, I’m not leaving, either.”
Ryan set his jaw. “This should be interesting, then.”
“Bring it, bitch.”
Ryan grabbed his bass guitar and sat down.
Derek did the same, except he had to pick up the chair he’d thrown against the control booth window.
The entire room was silent until Derek looked up at Miles. “Well? We’re here to record – what the fuck are
you
doing?”
Miles hustled me out immediately.
90
And so began a titanic battle of wills.
It started with some one-up-manship first.
Derek would come up with nonsense lyrics to Ryan’s songs, making them sound ridiculous.
Then Ryan would invariably insult him. “That’s even weaker than the stuff you wrote for the first album.”
Derek would become enraged, and come back with some of his best work ever.
Not the most
comfortable
things to listen to, for me… but they were some of his best lyrics.
Just a few of them, from different songs:
Life gives two gifts, youth and time
But what good are those when you’re not mine
They say sometimes you can’t get what you want
But if you try real hard you might get what you need
But the thorns I reap are what I sowed
And the drug I want is what makes me bleed
They’re the things that hurt, they’re the things that cut
They’re the things I gave away
Round in circles
Over again
I want it done
But we begin
To hurt each other
Like before
Let’s stab each other
Bleed some more
I’ll grab your knife,
You grab mine
Cut each other,
Pretend we’re fine
Jesus dragged that bloody cross
Up Golgotha’s peak
But nothing hurt as much as Judas’
Kiss upon his cheek
Yeah.
He was comparing himself to Jesus.
What an asshole.
Still… if you heard it set to music… it was a pretty fucking amazing line.
And the music.
Damn.
It started off with Derek absolutely trashing Ryan’s happy, lovely melodies. You don’t put lyrics about bloody crosses and heart-rending loss over soaring pop fantasias.
“Uh… Derek,” Avi said at one point, “that’s a great line, but… it doesn’t really match… the
tone
of the music, you know what I’m saying?”
“I’m not changing it,” Derek snapped.
“No, no, I got this,” Ryan said as he made a ‘stop’ motion to Avi, though he never took his eyes off Derek. “Play it in A minor, Killian.”
“What?” Killian asked, surprised. “It’s in C major.”
“Shift it to A minor instead. And riff something in D minor pentatonic in the bridge.”
Killian did it, and suddenly the song’s rays of sunshine were swallowed by dark clouds.
It was like listening to ‘Take It Easy’ by the Eagles morph into ‘Hotel California.’
It happened over and over again: Derek would be like,
Fuck your little tune.
And Ryan would answer,
Oh yeah? FUCK YOU. Listen to this, BITCH.
(Figuratively, of course, since Ryan didn’t swear. Usually. Although he was swearing a lot more lately.) And then Ryan would take his music and twist it and contort it until it was even darker and more venomous than what Derek had penned.
It hurt to listen to, and it hurt to watch… but it was fascinating.
And it made for astounding music. The songs literally
seethed
with hatred and violence and rage.
Until Ryan and Derek stopped working together at all.
I don’t remember exactly how it started. I think it was some snarky comment Ryan made about how all of Derek’s lyrics matched a Mother Goose nursery rhyme.
Derek lost it. “If your tunes weren’t all destined for bad grocery store muzak, maybe I’d listen to you.”
