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95
The weekend before the Austin City Limits concert, Ryan threw a small party on Friday night.
Derek was conspicuously
disinvited
.
“Do not show up,” Ryan warned him at the recording studio.
“I’m not.”
“No singing on the front lawn, none of that crap.”
“Consider that my solo project.”
“I’m serious. I’m hiring security to make sure you don’t gate-crash.”
“Well, now,
that
sounds like a challenge.”
“Derek – ”
“Fine, I know when I’m not wanted,” Derek said mildly.
“That’s the trouble, I don’t think you do.”
“The trouble is,
you
don’t know that I
am
the one she wants.”
Then he looked at me and winked.
Ryan gritted his teeth and walked out with me on his arm.
96
That night, lots of local musicians showed up, as well as some famous ones from out of town. It wasn’t the star power that accumulated after one of the arena shows, but that wasn’t what Ryan was going for. It was a casual, laidback evening – friends listening to music and sharing a few drinks.
Except everybody kept asking where Derek was, which irked Ryan to no end.
Halfway through the evening, I ended up sitting down beside Killian out by the goldfish pond. He was in a wicker chair, plinking away at his guitar, sucking on his vaporizer every few minutes. Ryan had expressly forbidden anything that would give off smoke.
As soon as I appeared, he offered me a hit.
“No thanks,” I said.
“Suit yourself, luv.”
We sat there for a moment, not saying anything. I was a little drunk and a little uncomfortable at the lack of conversation. Killian wasn’t; he was perfectly happy so long as he had his guitar to play with. But the silence was getting to me, so I blurted out, “You were right about the whole scorpion and the frog thing.”
He looked over and focused on me blearily. “…what?”
“The scorpion and the frog story. You told it to me in San Francisco?”
Blank look from Killian.
“Where the frog gives the scorpion a ride across the river, and the scorpion stings it, and the frog says, ‘Why’d you do that, now we’ll both drown!’ and the scorpion says, ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it, it’s in my nature.’ Remember?”
Killian shook his head ‘no.’
“Seriously?!”
“I’m a bit high most of the time,” he said apologetically, as though he were relaying something not widely known.
“Noooo –
really?”
“Out of curiosity,” Killian asked, “why did I tell you that story in the first place?”
“Because I was having problems with Derek, and you said he was the scorpion, and I was the frog, and if he hurt me, it was in his nature.”
“Ah,” he nodded sagely, then made a face like he was slightly impressed. “Not bad for advice I can’t remember.”
I was getting annoyed. “It wasn’t really advice, per se.”
“It wasn’t?”
“It was more of an… observation.”
“I see. Hm. Well. Why did you bring it back up?”
Because I’m buzzed and I was uncomfortable being quiet, and now I’m even MORE uncomfortable, and I wish I hadn’t even sat down here in the first place.
I sighed. “I don’t know… maybe because… I realized I put up with a lot of shit because of my relationship with my father.” I gave a wry, bitter little smile. “I was a frog raised by a scorpion, so it only made sense that I gave a ride to one.”
Killian looked down at his vaporizer, then at me. “You sure you haven’t smoked any?”
“No. I mean, no, I haven’t.”
“Hm. Well, that’s rather profound, then.”
“Is it?”
“But it all turned out all right, now, didn’t it?”
“You mean Ryan?”
He nodded as he took another hit off his vaporizer. “He’s a much more stable fellow, isn’t he.”
“Just slightly,” I deadpanned.
“Right good bloke.”
“Yes.”
“Then why do you wanna fuck Derek behind Ry’s back?” a drunken voice sneered.
I looked around to see Riley stumbling over, Jack Daniels bottle in hand.
“I don’t,” I insisted, horrified.
“Bullshit. You’re a fuckin’ liar. I
heard
you outside the studio, all gushy and – Jesus Christ, it makes me
sick.
”
Now that the shock and surprise was waning, I was getting angry. “I don’t know what you
think
you heard – ”
“I heard enough,” she spat. “I kept callin’ you Yoko as a joke, but you really
are
gonna be the fuckin’ death of this band.”
Before I could say anything else, she lurched off, taking a long pull at her bottle as she headed through the glass sliding doors and into the house.
I turned to Killian. “I don’t – I don’t want to – ”
He patted my arm consolingly. “Don’t let it trouble you.”
“What, Riley?”
“No, lookin’ over your shoulder at the dark.”
I frowned. “…what?”
“There was this book I read once, belonged to a bird datin’ one of me mates. ‘The Secret Language of Birthdays,’ or somethin’ like that. I thought it was going to be shite, but I was actually quite shocked how accurate it was.”
“What does that have to do with looking over your shoulder at the dark?”
“Oh – that was me mate’s description. Said he was drawn to the light, but he was forever lookin’ over his shoulder at the dark. Thought that was a pretty good description. Same with you. Ryan’s a good man, no doubt about it, and I can see you love ‘im… but I can understand you lookin’ over your shoulder at Derek all the same.”
I must have given him a horrified expression, because he patted my arm sympathetically.
“Don’t fret, love. It’s in your nature.”
It’s in your nay-chuh.
“I have to go check on Riley,” I said, and got unsteadily to my feet.
“No worries. Care for a hit before you go?” he asked, offering the vaporizer.
“No, thank you,” I said, and walked off towards the house.
