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3
I turned back to Derek. I caught a look of yearning on his face – an expression that said,
Fuck,
like someone resigning themselves to watching a valued possession slip away.
“You
are
an asshole,” I burst out.
He looked down at me in a flash of anger, like I was being unreasonable.
Didn’t I know what he had just given up for me?
Wasn’t I
appreciative?
Then he figured out that maybe that wasn’t the best play, and his features softened.
Too late.
The damage was done.
“Kaitlyn – ” he said, and reached out for me.
I stepped away from him and wrapped my arms around me like I was cold.
The bed they had rutted in was right beside me. The sheets were wrinkled and smelled of sex.
I wanted to vomit.
More than that, I wanted to pour lighter fluid all over it and flick a match. Watch it burn.
“I’m going to ask you a question,” I whispered, “and I want you to tell me the truth.”
He pulled back, unsure what was coming. “What?”
I looked up at him, in more pain than I’d ever felt in my life. “Promise me you’ll tell me the truth. The real truth.”
He stared at me for a long moment… then nodded once, somberly. “Okay.”
“If I’d stayed with you four years ago… if I’d ditched all my plans and stayed with you in Athens, and lived with you while you started a band, the way you asked me to that day before I left… would you have cheated on me?”
He winced the slightest bit.
He also didn’t answer.
“Would you have cheated on me?” I repeated. “Maybe not in two weeks, maybe not in two months… maybe not even in two years… but eventually?”
He gritted his teeth and looked away. Stared at the wall.
“Derek?” I whispered. “The truth.”
“Yes,” he said, his voice pained. “Probably. At some point, yes.”
It was like ice water rushed through my body, excruciating at first, then numbing me completely. Couldn’t feel anything. Like I was dead.
Somehow, though, I kept speaking. “You would have cheated on me before you got famous?”
He still wouldn’t look at me. “Probably.”
“Just with… somebody you met in a club?”
“Maybe.”
I breathed out, but it was more like a sob.
The scorpion had struck.
And now I was drowning.
It’s in his nature.
“Thank you for being honest,” I whispered, and I turned towards the door.
“Kaitlyn,” he said, and I felt his hand on my arm.
I twisted violently away.
“Don’t.”
He circled around me, got between me and the door. “Kaitlyn, look, I know I fucked up – and I’m sorry, I’m so goddamn sorry – please, you have to give me another chance – ”
“Why, so you can cheat on me again?” I said angrily through my tears.
