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Trine
Ishould probably leave after we have sex, but I’m almost certain I’m going to end up falling asleep right next to Rei. I’m exhausted and his bed is far more comfortable than mine, so it shouldn’t surprise me that I can’t fight it off.
My eyelids are too heavy, and Rei sticks a pillow under my head at some point. I can hear the soft whir of the AC unit next to the window, the sound of sheets rustling somewhere under me. I’mextremelycomfortable, letting myself drift in a post-sex haze despite how much I should definitely leave and go back home.
I open my eyes so I can apologize, but when I do, everything’s blurred. The perfectly immaculate place around me has turned gray instead of white. There are cracks in the wall, but other than that, the place doesn’t look like it’s fallen into disrepair. The cracks look intentional. Like the place is in the middle of being bulldozed.
My body feels extremely heavy and it’s hard to move, but I know that I can’t stay in this bed anymore. I slide down the bed with a groan, unable to do anything else. I can feel a hand pressing against my chest, hard and hot against the space between my breasts.
Get up. Get up, bitch.
I don’t say it. I only think it, but then there’s laughter from somewhere nearby, and my blood runs cold. I’m not sure what’s happening, but it’s fucking terrifying.
"Don’t be scared," a crisp voice says. He sounds like he’s close to me, but I can’t move my head to the side so I can’t see him. It doesn’t matter. I don’t need to see him. I know exactly who he is; I’ve seen him in my dreams and interacted with him before. "I’m not going to hurt you."
I don’t believe him. I don’t want to be here. "This is a dream," I say, somehow managing to peel my tongue away from the roof of my mouth even though it takes everything in me to do so. My legs are hanging off the foot of the bed, still not even touching the floor under me, and my body feels like it’s made of lead.
"It is," he says softly. "You can move if you want to."
It’s as if he’s let go of my restraints and I’m suddenly able to stand up, though I still feel exhausted. I take a moment to orient myself in this strange unreality, blinking eyes that I’m certain are still, in fact, closed.
The shadow man is sitting in a chair against the wall, a mere few feet away, flickering at the edges like he isn’t quite here.
I take a step toward him, his face shrouded in shadows. He smells like a bonfire, and a bit like lime. When I look down at him, he picks up his head, and I can see a sliver of his face.
Even then, I can see how strikingly handsome he is. Chiseled, raw-boned, taut skin on his high cheekbones. I have no idea what his coloring is, or what his hair is like, or whether he has any facial hair. I just know he’s beautiful and terrifying all at once.
"Did it feel good?" he asks. There’s a smile playing on his face, and I can see his teeth shining in the darkness.
"Did what feel good?" I ask.
"Fucking the exorcist," he says. He stands up in one swift, graceful motion, and walks toward me. He’s much taller than I am and he towers over me, but he doesn’t seem to be trying to intimidate me. At least I don’t think so. He closes the space between us, his thumb on my chin as he tilts my face up. "Did it help you?"
"Help me what?"
"You know," he says. "Find answers."
I shake my head as I look into his eyes. They’re amber, almost completely gold, and for the first time, I can see what he actually looks like. His hand slides down from my chin toward my clavicle, his fingertips stopping there.
"I don’t want answers," I say, my voice trembling. "I just wanted…I wanted to have fun."
"Really? When’s the last time you had casual sex with someone?"
"I don’t answer to you," I say, my hands fisting at my sides. I know this is a dream, but I’m incredibly turned on, especially when he slowly slides his hands down the front of my chest, his fingers soft against my nipples.
"You don’t," he says, dropping his voice to a low, sexy growl. It sends a shiver down my spine. He inches his face close to mine, his breath hot and hard against my lips. He doesn’t kiss me, no matter how much I want him to, and he traces the outline of my face. "But you can’t just forget what happened to you, no matter how much you try. And you have tried, haven’t you?"
I close my eyes. I don’t realize they’re welling up with tears until I feel them sliding down my face. He wipes them from my cheeks, the skin on his thumb slightly calloused even though his touch is soft.
"Keep searching," he says. "The only way out is through."
"I don’t want to," I say. "I’m scared."
"I know," he says softly. He sounds like he feels sorry for me and I hate it. I want him to like me. I want him to be as turned on by me as I am by him, and I’m incredibly turned on. Or I was, until this moment. "You can do this."
He pulls away from me, snapping his fingers, and I open my eyes wide. I’m back in Rei’s hotel room, startled as I sit up suddenly. It takes a few seconds for me to reorient myself, the walls stark white, the room perfectly tidy.
Rei is sitting at the sole table in the corner, scribbling notes on a piece of paper. He’s wearing a pair of black joggers and nothing else, his muscular body clearly visible in the lamplight. He doesn’t see me for a moment, but his brow creases when he does.
