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“Well, yes,” she continues. “That’s definitely a problem in and of itself. But other than that... Sorry, but how is this show different from that other K-drama about reincarnation that did well last year? And it also reminds me ofGoblinfrom several years ago. Do you thinkFated Destinywill stand out against the other shows airing right now?”
Mom watches more Korean dramas than anyone I know. The entire reason why I got into K-dramas in the first place is because of the many nights we spent watching them together. When it comes to Korean TV, I trust Mom’s judgment more than anyone’s.
Which is exactly why, instead of feeling offended by Mom’s words, I’m absolutely terrified. If Mom caught so many similarities betweenFated Destinyand other K-dramas, that means that other viewers probably had the same critiques. I definitely noticed a few of the similarities when I first read the script, but I didn’t think they werethatobvious. But maybe the fact that this is my show made me blind to the glaring truth.
When I don’t answer her, Mom looks at Dad, who only shrugs. He doesn’t normally watch Korean dramas—or much TV at all, really—so it’s unsurprising that he’s at a loss for words.
I open up my phone. All over social media, people have varied reactions fromWhoa, that was so cool!toWTF? Thisshow is so bad!No one seems to be agreeing with anyone else, which is both a good and bad thing. Overall, the jury still seems to be out on whether or not the first episode was good.
“I guess it’s a bit similar to other shows....” I start. “But I think it’ll stand out. A lot of people seem to be excited about it! I’m reading through the social media responses right now.”
Mom still looks concerned, but she presses her lips together and gives me a slight nod. “All right, then,” she says. “Hopefully it does well in the ratings.”
I’m about to go to my room for the night when Mom adds, “Hana, are you keeping up with your classwork? I know things must be hectic right now with the show premiering and everything, but don’t forget to turn in your work to your teachers.”
“I didn’t get much done today because I was too nervous about the premiere, but I should still be on track,” I reply. Even though I don’t have to attend regular classes while I’m working on a show, I still have to self-study and turn in online assignments to my teachers.
“Good. Get some rest, Hana, you deserve it.”
My mom is one of those amazing moms that somehow does it all. Not only does she work hard so we can afford my private performing arts high school’s expensive tuition, but she also keeps me on track with everything I do between shoots and classwork. She and Dad are the reason why I would never slack off, no matter how much I sometimes want to.
When I’m lying in bed later that night, I listen to the sound of our upstairs neighbors walking around in their apartment.When we first moved here from the States, I could hardly sleep at night after living in our quiet little home in Florida. I was used to dull forest sounds like ribbiting frogs and chirping crickets, not sharp noises like yelling, stomping, and laughing. But eventually, I got used to everything and pretty much accepted it as a normal part of life in a Korean apartment.
Tonight, though, I feel extra sensitive to the noises, and I can’t shake off a feeling of unease. Our show’s reception online seemed generally good, but what if Mom’s fears are right? What if our K-drama is just mediocre and will get buried with the rest of the shows coming out in the next few months?
A week ago, when I was still at home because a shoot got delayed, I overheard Mom talking to Dad about how exhausted she was.
“Everything is just so fast-paced here,” she’d said. “Things are so different from the way they were when we left in the nineties. It almost seems like a different country.”
“I get what you mean,” Dad replied. “I never thought I’d say this, but I miss living in America. My work-life balance was a lot better there.”
“Have you tried looking for jobs back in the US? If Hana’s new show doesn’t do well... No, it’ll do well. I won’t jinx it.”
“Hana will do great, I’m sure of it.”
Well, how about now?I want to ask my parents. But their expressions tonight said everything I need to know.
I want to prove to my parents that all their sacrifices were worth it. I want them to feel like being here in Korea isworthwhile and not just one big waste of time and money.
But how? How can I fix things?
Pressure builds inside my chest as I feel my anxiety threatening to wash over me.
I take a deep breath and slowly let it go.
Worrying about all of that now won’t make much of a difference, I remind myself as I pull my comforter over my head.Besides, tonight was only the first episode.
Korean dramas air two times a week, so the second episode ofFated Destinycomes out tomorrow. And we probably won’t get a good idea of the show’s performance until after at least the second episode airs.
Shaking all the doubts out of my head, I focus instead on the muffled noises of my neighbors’ TV upstairs. Slowly at first and then all at once, I fall asleep as my exhaustion takes over me.
