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When I’m done for today, I check the time. We’re thankfully running ahead of schedule for once. I take a deep breath and walk over to where Bryan is discussing action scenes with the stunt coordinator, a big, muscular man in his forties.
“Hi, um, excuse me,” I say.
The stunt coordinator harrumphs. I bow at him before I continue. “Could I please speak to Bryan for a sec? It won’t be long, I promise.”
I don’t do my own stunts like Bryan does—something I really hope to change one day—so I’ve never really had to interact with the stunt coordinator much. Something about hisreally thick arm muscles and squarish jaw makes him really intimidating.
The two guys exchange glances before Bryan grins at him apologetically.
“Agh, who am I to keep two young love birds apart?” the stunt coordinator finally shouts, his booming voice making me jump. “Make it quick! Just because we’re ahead of schedule today doesn’t mean you can dillydally for long.”
“Thank you, sir.” Bryan gives him a big bow before raising his eyebrows at me.
“Come on,” I say. “Let’s talk somewhere more private.”
We head down to the beach, which is a few yards away from the rocky overlook where the crew’s set up the camera. It’s freezing, and the spray of the seawater is icy cold, but something about the rolling expanse of the waves makes me feel at peace.
When I turn back to look at Bryan, I can’t help but notice how the wind is tousling his wavy hair, which, coupled with the stormy look in his eyes, makes him the perfect K-drama hero. For countless other girls, being liked by someone like Bryan is probably a dream come true. But not me. Iamexcited and proud to see how amazing he’ll look on-screen, though.
“So,” I say. “First, I’m sorry for being MIA this week. I got caught up in a lot of things. But I also wanted to tell you that nothing’s changed from the last time we talked.” I pause, wondering how I can drive things home this time without givingBryan any false hope. It’s probably best to tell him the truth. Or at least part of it. “I don’t like you in that way. I... actually like someone else.”
The moment I say it, it occurs to me that I might have said too much.
Bryan immediately jerks to attention. “Who?”
If we were in a less conservative society, I would have just told him the truth right then and there. But since we’re in Korea, and I have no idea how Bryan feels about queer people like me, I just say, “I want to keep that a secret, at least for now. Enough of our private lives are leaked constantly already.”
Bryan sighs. “Fair.”
He turns around to leave. I’m about to relax my guard when he abruptly whips back toward me. “Wait... is it Minjee?”
It takes everything in my power to not react, to keep totally calm as I stare at Bryan point-blank. He doesn’tlooklike he’s repulsed by the idea of me liking Minjee, but there’s no way to tell how he really feels. We’re both actors. If I can hide my true thoughts and feelings, so can he.
The ocean’s roar grows deafening. I clench my fists, gathering up all my strength so I don’t run away.
Bryan continues, “I mean, come on. It’s pretty obvious. You and I have both been busy with the show for the last few months. And I imagine you have a lot of schoolwork to do off set like I do. It’s unlikely you’ve had much time to hang out with anyone else. I’ve also seen all the pictures from whenyou’ve hung out with Minjee. You look way happier in them than you did whenever we hung out. It’s either Minjee or some random internet stranger, I’m calling it.”
If I weren’t so terrified at the fact that Bryan guessed correctly, I’d laugh at “random internet stranger.” I stare at him, trying to decide if I trust him. I think back to the moment we shared in the cable car, at how honest he’d been about his own feelings with me in the past. Sure, he’s ridiculous sometimes, but he hasn’t done anything that makes me think he’s a bad person. Maybe Icantrust him after all.
“Please don’t tell anyone,” I finally say. “I don’t even know if Minjee likes me back. If anyone finds out about my feelings for her, it’d—”
“Ruin your entire career, I know,” he cuts in, looking out across the sea.
I flinch. My heart’s racing so fast that it feels like it’s about to burst when he says, “Isn’t it funny and sad how people just assume everyone is straight? Like why is that the default, especially in Korea?”
He still has his back turned toward me, so I know his question is probably rhetorical. But this is something I’ve asked myself a lot, too. “Because being queer means you’re different,” I answer. “It means you don’t fit in with the traditional gender roles that are prevalent in Korean society. And some people are also against it for religious reasons.”
“Right. I guess wherever we go there will be people opposed to it. But isn’t it wild how, on the other side of the Pacific,there are people like us that can marry their same-sex partners and have laws that protect them? I think about it a lot. Not so much the marrying part, but the other stuff.”
“Wait,” I say, reeling from whiplash. “‘People like us’?”
Bryan runs a hand through his hair, finally turning around to give me his dazzling K-pop prince smile. “I’m pan. Or at least I’m questioning. I didn’t know what that was until I saw some stuff about it on Twitter. But everything more or less made sense after that. I’ve had this lifelong crush on one of my family friends. He’s bi, but he’s dating a girl he met in LA and they’re happy together, so, eh.”
He shrugs, and his smile fades into a wry grin.
“Wow” is all I can say. I drop down to a crouch, falling into what can only be described as a contemplative ahjumma sitting pose, since it’s how a lot of Korean aunties at the market sit while they sell their crops.
“Is me being pan that surprising?” Bryan laughs. “Well, at least now you know you have nothing to be worried about. Your secret is safe with me. As long as... you know—”
