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HOPE
Isip the vanilla latte Holly prepared for me. She is uncharacteristically quiet today, only saying a few words here and there.
“Hey, is everything okay?”
She nods before mumbling something and going quiet again.
“What’s up with you?” I grab the rag from her hands, with which she is wiping the already shining counter.
She glances up at me and releases a frustrated sigh. “Argh! I’m so angry at myself.”
“What happened?”
“I think I’m in love with Dan.” She pulls on her hair dramatically.
“Your boyfriend, Dan?”
She nods.
“So, what’s the problem?”
“We agreed to keep it casual.” She pinches her lips together while continuously fussing with her bangs.
“But isn’t this better than casual?”
Her head jerks up before her eyes narrow on me, making me cringe a bit. “It would bebetterif Dan felt the same way, but he doesn’t. So no, it’s not better. It’s fucking awful.”
I guide her to one of the corner tables. Thankfully, the bakery is quiet after the morning rush hour because Holly is loud in expressing herfucking awful life.
I mouth a thanks to Sue when she brings Holly’s favorite lemon bars. “Why don’t you talk to him? Maybe he does feel the same way and is just worried like you.”
Holly’s mouth opens and she looks at me with wide eyes as if I’ve grown two heads. “Are you crazy? No, never.” She continues shaking her head. “You don’t talk about stuff like this in a casual relationship. He will leave the second I get too clingy.”
Um, okay. What do I know about relationships?
But I still don’t like her this upset. Holly is like the life of this place. She’s the youngest of us all and always willing to help everyone. I push the lemon bars in her direction.
“When did you know that you were in love with him?”
She shrugs, tearing one bar into two. “I don’t know. It is not like it happened overnight.” She pauses, biting the smaller piece, and her forehead puckers. “I guess when I started noticing all those little things about him, like how he flips his hair when it comes too close to his eyelashes or how his forehead wrinkles when he’s thinking too hard.”
My hands turn icy cold as she starts sliding around the salt and pepper shakers on the table. The scraping sound that those glass bottles make against the wooden table is in sync with my pulsating heart.
“If he doesn’t call me or message me at night, I worry he’s with someone else. I’m continuously looking at my phone to check if there are any missed calls from him.”
She shakes her phone before me, and my hand is about to crawl inside the front pocket of my apron to check my cell phone.
“Every time he sends me a text, my heart races and this has never happened to me before.” She finishes and for a second I think she is describing my state. “And there’s this sensation in my body whenever he’s near, as if I can sense him.” Her cheeks turn pink as her fingers play with a paper napkin.
Her final words hit home.
Holy shit! Am I in love with Zach?
How did this happen?
No. No. I cannot fall in love with Zach.
He isn’t mine to love.
