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A knock on my window pulls my attention from Hope to my boy,my son.
“Hey, kiddo.” I open the door and Ray gets in as I push the driver’s seat back. He jumps on my lap and hugs me tight.
As always, he takes my breath away. His affection confounds me and his trust in my abilities makes me feel several inches taller than my six-foot frame.
“Hi, Ma.” He waves to Hope with his tiny hand as he settles on my lap. But Hope’s eyes widen watching our encounter.
Since their move to my apartment, Ray and I have connected more. He often jumps on my lap while I’m working on my laptop or we’re watching TV. I’m also slowly learning his gestures.
When he hugs me tight, it means he’s either hungry or sleepy.
When he wants to tell me something, he scratches my stubble.
“Tommy peed in his pants.” Ray’s nimble fingers move back and forth over my chin.
Oh fuck! Tommy is Ray’s best friend.
“Everybody made fun of him. At lunch Ben said I shouldn’t be friends with Tommy anymore. But I like Tommy. He lets me play with his Pokemon cards and he always brings extra cookies for me.”
Fuck! He is upset and I can’t break the news of our marriage when he is this upset. I want to tell him to let Ben go and fuck himself. But this is my first parenting test and I have every desire to succeed.
“Ben doesn’t sound very smart to me, buddy. I peed in my pants almost every day for a year when I was your age. At some point my brother started putting an extra pair of clothes for me in my schoolbag.” I seldom visit my childhood memories as they always leave a bitter taste in my mouth.
“Really?” Ray looks up at me, his eyebrows almost reaching his forehead.
I nod. “You should take some cookies for Tommy tomorrow, so he knows you’re still his best friend.”
“He likes snickerdoodle cookies.” He smiles.
“Good. Remember to ask Grandpa Will to pack you some of those.”
He smiles, and it seems I expertly averted a crisis.
Well done, Zach!
You were born to be a dad.
“What do you want to eat for lunch? We’re going out,” I ask a little proud of my accomplishment.
“Chicken nuggets?”
We look at Hope for permission and she nods after a beat, as if too incapacitated by our exchange.
After lunch,Ray devours his choco-fudge ice cream while Hope and I get coffee. I look at my son before meeting Hope’s gaze. She bites her lip, placing the white cup on the table. I twist the knot of my tie and clear my throat. “Buddy, I need to tell you something.”
“What’s the matter, Your Highness?”
I chuckle. I can never get bored of hearing him call me that.
“I…” I try to find the right words.
He leans forward, putting his elbows on the table, grabbing his face with both hands ready to listen.
“Do you miss home?”
His face crumbles and a big fat tear rolls down his face. I notice he resembles Hope while crying. “Are you sending us back to our old house?” The hiccups that run through his body make my heart beat wild.
My fingers gently wipe his cheeks. “No, Ray. The thing is, I don’t want you to go back. I want you, me, Ma, Grandpa Will, and Mr. Stanley to all live together. I don’t want you to ever leave me.” My throat tightens as tears continues to race down his cheeks. “I promise to keep you safe. And to make sure of that, I married Ma today.”
