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“But before you say anything…” I shake my head and gulp down the stupid optimism that tries to snake into my chest. “I want us to be clear. This is all it will be.”
I look away when she frowns and squishes her eyebrows together.
“I can be anything you want outside the penthouse. But in there, we are Ray’s parents. I cannot give you more in our marriage than the contract.” I know I’m an asshole to even propose this madness, but I vowed honesty.
A few moments pass and there’s an eerie silence in the room until she asks, “How long? How long will this last?”
I glance at her as the familiar seriousness takes over her beautiful face. “It’s your decision. You say you can’t do it and we’ll leave after dinner and forget this ever happened. You say you want to go on dates and nothing else, then that’s what we’ll do.”
“So, what is this? You feel pity for your poor wife?” There’s no bite in her words, as if she truly believes that I find her pathetic.
And I think for a beat. I’m definitely not doing it because I feel pity or any other selfless reasons. My mouth dries and I pick up the champagne flute.
Do I really want to experience a normal relationship for the first time in my life? Something I don’t have to hide and be ashamed of.
You creep, there’s nothing normal about this. You are offering your wife sex and nothing else.
I sit straight, trying to push away all these jumbled, nonsensical thoughts. I must be suffering from some withdrawal symptoms from keeping my dick dry for the past several months.
I’m half shocked that I haven’t been with someone else even though I never promised fidelity to Hope. And I am half stunned that thinking about doing this with her has given me a thrill that I always craved.
“No. I think I’m doing it mostly for selfish reasons.” I don’t explain more and thankfully she doesn’t ask.
“Have you been with…”
I shake my head. “Somehow, I couldn’t. But I don’t think…” My hands drift to the tie knot around my neck. “I don’t know if I can still promise fidelity.” I look away from her, ashamed at myself, but I won’t lie to her. Whatever crap I bring to this marriage, I promised her I’d be honest.
“So, while we do this, you can be out with other women?”
I hate when she sags down in her seat and her vacant eyes stare at me.
Before Hope, on myfuckevenings, I was with whichever women suited my mood that night. Though, I don’t feel like being with anyone else at the moment, but what about a week after, or a month later? This is the first time I’ve ever felt what I’m feeling for her right now. But how do I know this won’t change?
“I don’t want to be with anyone else, but—” My words stop around my tightening throat. “Would it bother you now?”
She shrugs and for a weird reason my fists tighten. I hate that this doesn’t affect her. Why isn’t she screaming at me or slapping my face? I’m her husband for fuck’s sake.
“Like I said before, I don’t want to make a fool of myself, and it would hurt Ray and Mom too much.”
I grab her hand, her rapid pulse matching my own hammering heartbeat.
“I don’t want to be with anyone at this moment. I haven’t wanted to since we got married. But I can’t promise about next month or after.”
What do I know about being faithful anyways?
I look away from her wide eyes as she tries to search for something. But I can’t let her see the realme. There’s no way she would want to stay with me and not take away the happiness she and Ray have brought into my life.
“You still want me to be honest with you?” I ask and she nods lightly. “If that…momentcomes, I’ll tell you and we can stop…this.” I motion between us. “If…you are…still up for it.”
Hope takes a deep breath and says after a beat, “I want to do this.” Squaring her shoulders as if to gather some courage, she adds, “And I want…all that you are willing to give.”
My insides heat up like there’s been an explosion inside my body. For a second, there are spots in front of my vision.
Fuck! Did she really accept my weirdness?
Before I can ask if she’s sure, the servers bring plates of hors d’oeuvres from Petit Valentien, one of the most renowned French restaurants in the area.
I am sure it’s her curiosity and interest for food presentation when Hope picks up the bite-sized tartlet topped with crème and caviar. She shifts it between her fingers before pulling off the wooden stick, which has a tiny mint leaf with the restaurant’s name embossed in gold.
