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ZACH
Out of all the scenarios that ever ran in my head, none came close to this truth. I cannot fucking believe it.
She was raped, the thought keeps repeating on a loop in my head.
“Zach?” Hope looks up to me and her misty green eyes shine under the light. Her lips quiver as she tries to say something, but no words come out.
I hold her face and feel the wetness under my hands before placing a soft kiss on her forehead. She hides her face in my arms at my tender touch. And that’s how I should have been with her. Herrealfirst time, herwillfulfirst time, should have been filled with tenderness. Not the way I did it. All that shit I said to her.
Fuck! I can’t believe she not only took it all but gave everything back.
I clear my throat, overwhelmed with emotions. “You’re gonna have the best fucking boyfriend, Hopper.” Because that’s all that we can be. Especially now, when I know how broken we both are, I can’t mislead Hope.
I don’t talk about her past or give her a lamesorry. Because that word in the dictionary is the most worthless shit. How can you say the same word for something as insignificant as shutting the door in someone’s face and something as grave as what Hope’s suffered?
Sorry would just make her suffering trivial, when it’s fucking not. She’s been living with guilt for so long and I for one am not going to make her more guilty. I’m gonna do what I do best.
I’m gonna give her the best nights of her life.
But for that I just need tonight to get my head together.
I place a kiss on her forehead before adjusting her pillow on the couch. “Now get some sleep.” Her anxious eyes focus on my every move as I gently nudge her to lie down. I stay next to her until her eyes close. Giving one last look to my brave girl, I get up.
Once the bedroomdoor shuts behind me, my insides twist and churn.Irritation burns within me as I march toward my den. My stomach turns into knots, and I grab a chocolate from the collection that now rests on my desk for Ray. After eating half of the overly sweet bar, I dial Beast.
“Do you not see the time before calling my number?” he drawls lazily.
“I want some information and… I also want to talk to you.”
Hearing my serious voice, I can feel the urgency as he asks, “Hey, where are you? You’re okay, right?”
“Yeah. I’m at home. It’s not about me. It’s about Hope.”
“What is it?” Beast asks more carefully this time.
“She told me about Ray’s father.” My mind screams inside my skull as I squeeze my eyes, hoping when I open them, the past hour would have been a dream. “She was...raped.”
Beast curses quietly and a beat later I can hear his footsteps as he’s probably pacing back and forth. “She told you this?”
I hum a yes. “Just now.” I gulp loudly before muttering, “She was seventeen, Beast. Drugged and raped in some seedy hotel. This is the reason Keith and Lukas couldn’t find anything on Ray’s father.” My chest clenches as I flop down on my chair. “I can’t ask them anymore. It’s Hope’s truth. I can’t share it outside the family.”
He hums before asking, “Tell me what she told you.”
I rehash the story, and after every word I speak to Beast, my mind goes back to the previous night.
I should have acted better.
I should have been gentler.
Maybe, I shouldn’t have been there.
Hope’s wounds are no different than mine. But I have regular therapy. Beast and my brothers are only a call away, while she has no one.
How the hell did she stay sane?
She’s not only living her life but being an amazing mom and a doting daughter. She is taking care of everyone without being a jerk like me.
My mind continues to scream that I have been no different to her, not when I proposed this marriage and not last night. She deserves so much more than what I’m giving her.
And above all, I know sooner rather than later, I am going to fuck this up.
