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ChapterFour
Cindy
“Is it too late to back out?” I arrived backstage for The Mating Game in a T-shirt and sweats, hair in a ponytail, and no makeup. It wasn’t the first time I’d been here, but it was the first time I’d seen everyone on their marks—I wasn’t quite sure of all the production speak, but I’d be learning in a hurry. “I’ve never felt more out of place in my life.”
“Don’t you dare.” Wendy laughed. Her episode was slated to film when mine completed, and she’d come with me for moral support. Once I said yes to spending forever with a wolf who wasn’t Pedro. “If you back out, then Bibi will send me up on that stage, and let me tell you, I’m not emotionally prepared for that yet.”
Now it was my turn to laugh. Wendy was human, but lately, she’d understood what I was going through better than anyone in my pack. She had an unsuccessful appearance on The Real Werewives but she wasn’t giving up on finding a shifter mate. “Spoiler alert. You’ll never be emotionally prepared.”
Bibi appeared, already gorgeous in full makeup and a pink wig. She wore a silk robe, probably saving her outfit reveal for the stage. Camera people were behind her, and it was official. My episode started right now.
“If it isn’t my favorite ladies. Cindy, we’re ready for you in the hair and makeup trailer. Once the team is done with their magic, we’ll bring you over to wardrobe. Then it will be time for you to meet your mate. How are you feeling?”
“Like I’m probably going to puke all over my pretty new dress.”
No one quite knew what to make of that.
“Sorry, I spend a lot of time with my four-year-old boys. They’ve got me convinced bodily functions are funny.”
Bibi waved it off. “The only thing I ask from you is you never apologize for saying what’s on your mind again. You have nothing to be afraid of. I’ll be with you every step of the way on this journey. Come with me.”
My body was numb as I slipped into the makeup chair. The hairstylist freed my hair from the scrunchie. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d bothered with a professional haircut. Before I had the kids, I’d worked on a farm. Fashion hadn’t been a concern.
“What do you have in mind?” Bibi asked.
No one answered. Was I that hopeless?
She put her hand on my shoulder. Oh, she’d been asking me.
“What do you think?” It might be dangerous, deferring to someone as glamorous as Bibi, but she wanted the best for me.
She smiled. “I think we should play up these gorgeous eyes. Have you ever worn lashes?”
I shook my head.
“Definitely give those a try. They make all the difference.” She picked up a lock of my hair. “What do you think of a cut?”
I shrunk back in the chair. “Not sure I’m ready for anything drastic.”
What I really wanted to say was I wasn’t ready for anything I couldn’t put in a messy ponytail when dealing with the kids, but that would probably disappoint my newly appointed beauty squad.
“Are you open to a trim?” the hairstylist asked.
I nodded.
“Then we can curl it, maybe pull the front of it back?” Bibi suggested. “I want you to feel confident when you head out on that stage. There will be three wolves up there who are willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy.”
I gulped back the nerves. “Any last-minute advice?”
“I wouldn’t have chosen you for the very first episode of The Mating Game if I didn’t have the utmost confidence that you’ll knock this out of the park.” She squeezed my shoulder. “I can’t wait to see your transformation when you come onto the stage.”
And with that, she was gone. I closed my eyes and let the team go to town. They’d blacked out the mirrors and told me to relax.
Right.
After a trip to the wardrobe trailer, I was transported back to the makeup trailer. The curtains had been lifted from the mirrors, and I could hardly believe this was me.
“Wow.” I couldn’t stop staring at myself. The hair and makeup team had transformed me into a woman I hadn’t seen in a long time. My lash extensions looked amazing, and I couldn’t stop examining my eyelids because my eye makeup looked like it came straight from a social media inspiration board. My hair fell in shiny waves down my back, and the wardrobe lady managed to find a bra that picked my boobs up and put them back where they used to be before I breastfed three babies.
“You look great.” Marissa slid into the makeup chair beside me. “How are you feeling?”
Bjorn crammed his giant body into the corner so the camera wouldn’t catch him in the mirror’s reflection. Like anyone would notice anything besides my banging cleavage.
“I’m feeling like I’m going to need a whole bunch of these bras for date nights.” I laughed. “Do you go through hair and makeup every day? I might have to do that too.”
“If that’s what you want for your dates, we’ll make it happen.”
“Maybe not, because then I’d have to keep it up after the show is over, and that’s definitely not going to happen. I don’t want to sell this poor guy a lie.” I hadn’t answered Marissa’s question because I was avoiding it. My feelings had been nothing short of volatile for years. “I’m nervous. I’ve never really dated. Pedro and I...”
I closed my eyes for a long blink. I couldn’t ruin my makeup crying over a wolf I never wanted in the first place.
“I’m still mad that he left. Mad at myself for feeling guilty about it. And excited. Pedro and I didn’t date in the traditional sense. We worked together, started hanging out, and the next thing I knew, he asked me if I wanted to be his mate.”
“That’s kind of sweet,” Marissa said. “How did you know that wasn’t enough?”
I’d had plenty of time to think about this. “Because our lives changed, and he didn’t. He was the same rambunctious and unpredictable wolf he’d been all his life. When we were younger, it was fun and a little dangerous. But when he was standing in the way of what we all wanted just because he could, it was exhausting. My wolf...didn’t want to fix it. She wanted him gone.”
It hurt my heart to admit. A piece of me thought I should’ve been able to fix it. That I should’ve cared enough to do more. But the rest of me knew that I couldn’t change Pedro.
“Is that still what she wants?” Marissa asked.
“She wants the life that she deserves. It doesn’t have to be a fairy tale. She just needs someone to see her for who she really is.”
Marissa brightened. “I think we can manage that. Do you want to go over your questions for the contestants before you get on stage or are you ready to go? Because we’re ready for you.”
You’re ready, my wolf said. She didn’t have the same guilt over Pedro leaving as I did.
“No. Let’s do it.”
I expected to feel nervous as I followed Marissa down the hallway. The roar of the crowd made the blood thrum through my veins. My wolf was right—I was ready. Ready to be the woman who wasn’t still wearing maternity clothes even though her baby was two and a half. Ready to be the woman who no longer ate cold dino nuggets off my kids’ plates when they ignored the dinner I made and was too exhausted to make my own. I was ready to take charge of my pack before the next disaster broke out so my kids would have a better life than I had.
