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There was no urgency in his step, no desperation to get home. It felt like he had no clue what was coming, what seeing him defend me had done to me. I wanted him to turn all of that frustration on me. All of that possession.
Lino had been inside me every second he could since we'd started having sex, but he was always controlled. Always worried he might hurt me with the exception of the one night in the shower.
I wanted it. I wanted it to hurt and be uncontrolled.
I wanted all of him, including the parts of him he’d shown me a glimpse of that night.
And as we walked down the hall, I decided that was the night I would get it.
???
I considered my plan all the way home. All the way through dinner.
Anxiety pulsed in my veins, even if I knew that what I was about to do had to happen. I needed to see everything that Lino was again, because if I couldn't meet the needs of that side of him, we would never be able to have a successful marriage.
There was also this dark thread within me, something I'd always known was there. The need to have a man take control, the need to not have to make decisions for once. The need to not have to fight and let someone else be in charge. I suspected it was one of the things that first attracted me to Lino, because even as a young girl I'd been intrigued by all the parts of movies that should have been horrific.
The villains who wanted the Princesses, the ones who put them in chains and gave them ultimatums that were never really choices.
Though, it was never the villains themselves who intrigued me, but the Princesses who floundered with those choices. Who fought and refused, because the villains never looked like Lino.
They never showed a gentle side, never took care of them or made promises for the future.
Even at ten, Lino had been dominant. Cool and in charge of all the other kids. They bowed down to him like he was King, and the same would be said of Matteo. But it wasn't until months after I came into his life, after he bonded with mom and Yavin, that the other side emerged. The fun-loving, carefree side of Lino was half of his personality in truth, but it wasn't the most natural version of him.
He hid that side. The villain that lurked beneath the surface, and only glances of him came out here and there. More as time went on in our marriage, like he was trying to ease me into the part of him he'd tried to hide from me for decades.
But I'd always seen it. Even when we were children, I saw Lino. I just let him feel like he was keeping his secrets, like he was protecting me.
And after Connor, I'd expected that dark attraction to go away. I'd felt what it was to be truly powerless. I'd felt what it was to be held down and used. How could I ever want to awaken that part of Lino that I suspected would push me right up to my boundaries and shove me over the cliff after having survived that?
But something about holding onto those desires made me feel like I had won. Like Connor hadn't broken me, hadn't changed me irrevocably after all. And giving Lino the things Connor had taken, giving him everything and knowing that no matter what I would be safe, well that felt like the ultimate way to take my body back. Because I trusted Lino more than anyone else, because I knew my body would always be safe with him.
I just had to give Lino a good shove over the edge and hope I could handle the aftermath.
So we stood in the bathroom, towel drying off after showering our day away as we usually did. There was no question that we would go to bed, that Lino would touch me the moment he could. He always did, but I'd decided that it would be on my terms. How I wanted it.
And we would decide once and for all if I could give Lino everything I knew he needed.
"You were very jealous today," I started hesitantly. For all that I knew Lino, there were some things about our relationship that just felt new. Even aside from the sex.
"Hmm," he hummed, but annoyance had already started creeping back into his face at the reminder.
"Does it bother you so much? To think of another man's hands on me?" I smiled at him, sitting down on the edge of the bed and leaning back. His eyes narrowed in on my breasts, my nipples pebbled in the cool air of the bedroom after the heat of our shower. "Does it torment you to think that he could have touched me here?" I asked, reaching one hand up to cup my breast. "Or here?" My hand slid down over my stomach, brushing over my belly button on it's path to get between my legs.
"Don't push me, Samara. Not tonight," he warned, those deep eyes flashing back to mine briefly.
"Maybe I want to push you," I admitted, and my hand slipped between my thighs finally. "Maybe I want you to lose control and make me feel just how frustrating it was for you to walk in and see his hand on me."
He gritted his teeth. "No. I'll hurt you."
"Good." I smiled at him. "I want it to hurt, Lino. I want to stop pretending that making love every night is enough for either of us. Our attraction to each other didn't start with stolen kisses and romance. It built in years of frustration and want. I want to feel how much you want me. I want you to just take what you want again."
"Fuck," he groaned, stalking to me. His hands took my hips, flipping me over to my stomach and tugging me to the edge of the bed so that my toes barely touched the floor. His hand gathered my wet hair up at my head, clasping it and pulling until my back arched and my breasts lifted off the bed. "Is this really what you want?" he asked, nuzzling his face into my neck.
"I want all of you, Lino. I always have. The man, the monster, and everything in between," I gasped as his fingers ran through my slick folds.
"So fucking wet," he moaned, pumping a finger in and out of me. "Do you think you deserve to come? You let him touch you. Let him put his hand on what's mine. I don't give a shit if it was just your waist. No man touches you but me, do you understand me?" he hissed, and I tried to nod my head. When his finger pulled free from me, I moaned at the loss.
