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"Hey, pretty girl. Axel's giving me a tour. Wanna c
ome?" He held out a hand, and I turned my attention back to the cake as Axel led him to the stairs to show him their bedrooms, I was sure. I'd have shown them off too if I'd had something that spectacular as a kid.
When everything with Ryker inevitably crashed and burned, it would be impossible for me to give them something like that. I hated him for giving them something they'd never be able to keep.
"Do you need help with anything, Sunshine?" Ryker asked once they were out of sight. He didn't move to touch me, eyeing the way I focused on the cake and tried to get the frosting as seamless as possible on my turning table.
"Could you just check the pork? I don't want it to overcook and you know I suck at cooking meat."
"Anything for you," he murmured, touching his lips to my cheek in a kiss before he pulled the pork tenderloin from the oven to check the temperature. We stood side by side, not speaking, as seemed to be our way. I never knew what to say to him, and then I wondered why I even wanted to say anything to him at all. It seemed like an impossible task to make small talk with him. Except for the days when he had to disappear for work, we spent all our time together.
It should have felt suffocating and terrifying, but somehow it was oddly peaceful. He didn't feel the need to fill the silence with background noise, but I often wondered if he'd ever volunteer any information about himself. "Will we meet your family?" I asked him, and the pan clattered when he dropped it back into the oven.
"No," he grunted.
"Oh," I said, and annoyance colored my tone as I finished frosting and went to wash my hands.
"They're dead," he explained with a sigh, and I felt my body flinch. I'd automatically assumed that he'd intrude on our lives and insert himself without a care for what we might want, and never return the favor. Guilt flooded me for it, as he’d given us no sign that we wouldn’t be the epicenter of his world.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, hanging my head over the sink with my shame. I knew what the loss of my mother had meant for my life. I couldn't fathom the loss of both my parents.
"It was years ago now," he said, stepping up behind me. The moment his powerful arms wrapped around me I felt calmed, like he soothed the part of me that had always felt a little lonely. "You're my family now." My heart stopped, the words reaching the deepest part of me that longed for that even as my breath caught in panic.
I had my father. I had my aunt. I had my kids.
I'd thought I had my husband.
But my circle was small, and I'd always been uncomfortable in sizable groups of people. I'd never made friends easily, much preferring to stay with people who I could already trust. Even before Chad's death, I'd known that loving people meant you could lose them. That it meant you could suffer the loss of that loved one. Watching my father grieve for my mother his entire life had taught me to avoid attachments, and maybe that was why I'd ended up with a man who might not have loved me.
With a man who kept his distance emotionally.
Because I'd foolishly thought it would hurt less if I lost him.
Ryker never let there be distance between us. Emotionally, he overwhelmed me and filled me with constant casual assurances that I mattered to him. Even if I didn't see how they could be legitimate. He constantly did little favors and kindnesses that made me feel cared for in a way I’d never had. Physically, he dominated me. If I didn't do what he wanted, then he manipulated my body to get what he wanted. Whether that came sexually or in terms of just picking me up and putting me where he thought I should be.
"Calla?" he whispered, and I shook my head with a slight smile.
"That's sweet," I admitted reluctantly, and I knew he could hear the disbelief in my tone. It was only a matter of time before I lost Ryker too. Before he left me, but with Ryker I would know it was because he just didn't want me. He'd gotten what he wanted, got to play house with a ready-made family for a couple weeks, and he'd realized that it wasn't for him. I didn’t want to acknowledge that the thought hurt.
"I mean it, you know. The three of you are my family now. The Bellandis are my family too. You've already met them, and that's the only other family I'll ever have." The backs of his knuckles traced down my cheek lightly, and I forced myself to smile. He still had an arm wrapped around my waist, still held me tight to his chest when the kids and my Dad came thundering down the stairs. Ryker made no move to separate us, and I felt everything in me tighten in stress. Chad and I had never been fond of public displays, but even if we had been my father didn't tolerate them.
He'd always told him if he ever "caught him pawing at his daughter," he'd crush his trigger finger. He hadn't cared the least that threatening Chad had technically been threatening a police officer.
When I finally finished washing and drying my hands, I turned to face my father. Ryker moved with me, keeping himself plastered against my back like he did not understand boundaries where parents were concerned, but my father didn't look the least bit perturbed by Ryker's paw on my stomach. "Those are some bedrooms," he said with a laugh.
Ryker gave a rough chuckle in response. "I wanted them to have rooms they loved. Their own spaces in all the changes we threw at them so quickly."
"We? I don’t recall having a lot to do with that," I said, lifting a disbelieving brow at him as I craned my neck to look up at him.
He chuckled, dipping his head down to touch his lips to mine briefly and a stunning smile overtook his face when he pulled back. "Okay, I threw at them," he admitted. I tried not to let that smile touch me, but I felt it wrap around my heart even with that effort.
I looked to my father, expecting him to admonish us for the kiss, but he didn't. He only smiled at Ryker. "You want to show me this Chevelle of yours?" he asked. Ryker separated from me just enough to grab my hand, dragging me off to guide my dad to the garage.
"I've got to keep an eye on dinner," I said with a laugh. "You guys go on ahead." The second part was much more reluctant. I didn't relish Ryker being alone with my father, and I definitely didn't want to put Ryker in a position where he had to be alone with him.
But Ryker didn't seem to mind in the slightest when he released my hand and turned to the kids. "Who's coming with us?"
"Me!" Axel shouted, but Ines shook her head and looked at me.
