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He just stared back at me with an eyebrow raised, daring me to contradict him. I wanted to, but I couldn't think of one other thing I'd seen on the menu and considered since I'd been ready to order the primavera. It didn't stop it from being so strange or prevent me from realizing that Ryker was more than comfortable displaying the intimate knowledge he had of me and my preferences.
I already knew about the stalking, so what harm was there in coming clean about it?
I sighed, shaking my head. Tears stung at the back of my throat, but I pushed them down. I couldn't show it, not in that restaurant and not in front of Ryker. Not after my breakdown the night before.
"This will break me," I whispered. "I can't handle this. How can you expect me to just be okay with this?"
"I don't want to break you, Tesoro," Ryker said, and there was an ache in his voice, as if the thought of seeing me broken would break him too. There was so much I didn't know about Ryker, so much I'd never cared to learn because I'd thought the situation with him would fizzle out and we'd be free to return to our lives in time. But something in that tone called to me, like I could feel the place of pain it stemmed from. "I just want you to bend a little for me."
"Right. Just for you," I scoffed.
"You just need to be more flexible," he said pointedly, and my cheeks flushed.
"Hilarious." I knew it was a reference to my yoga and the time he’d spent watching me. I needed th
e yoga to ground me, to keep me sane in a situation that was anything but. "You want me to bend about something that isn't right. How am I supposed to deal with this?" My voice dropped to a whisper before I continued. "You-you watched me. You touched me while I slept-"
"Hey," he said, stretching that ridiculously long arm of his across the table to grab my chin and tilt my face up to look at him. "Not like that. Never like that."
"And I'm just supposed to believe you?"
"I would never hurt you. You can question some things, but never question that, Sunshine." His voice hardened, like he was warning me against something that shouldn't have had to be said.
I was in some kind of twisted relationship with a man I didn't know, who had stalked me for years and wouldn't let me dump his crazy ass. My life had been so normal, and it all changed the moment Chad died.
It made me hate him just a little, that whatever business he conducted with the Bellandis had come back to bite me in the ass. Not him, but me.
I was the one paying the consequences for his decisions.
"I don't understand what this is," I said quietly. "You're taking me on a date like I matter. You claim the kids are yours now, but you aren't giving me a chance to even get to know you before you shove this down my throat. You can't expect me to just want to be with you overnight."
"Why not?" he murmured, his hand landing on my thigh from where he sat on the adjacent side of the table. "I knew I wanted you the first day I saw you." I clenched my eyes shut, hating the reminder of how insane our attraction seemed to be.
I wished I didn't feel the same, that I hadn't felt that inexplicable pull to him the first time I'd seen him in the park. I wished I hadn't been so easy to convince to spread my legs for him because I felt that same attraction he spoke of.
It made me feel weak. Like my body betrayed me and made what my brain knew was not the right decision for me.
It didn't seem to care.
Just like the way heat poured off his hand and sank into the bare skin of my thigh seemed to inch its way up to my center and stroke me as efficiently as I did when I masturbated. A hand on my thigh was all it took to make me shift in my seat.
"I need time," I whispered to him.
"I gave you a year," he said firmly.
"You gave me a year to grieve. I'm not asking to grieve Chad. I'm asking for time to adjust to whatever this is before you put these ridiculous expectations on me." The words sounded pained as I said them, and I realized the truth in them. I really wasn't asking for more time to grieve for my husband. He was gone. If nothing else, the way Ryker treated me showed me I'd put my marriage on a pedestal that it never should have been on. When Ryker was at the house, he always played with the kids or helped Axel with his homework. He would make dinner or help with the dishes, giving me soft touches here and there when I was near him like he couldn’t resist the pull to touch me. There’d never been a time when Chad reacted to me that way, or had done any of the things Ryker did to help.
He’d come home, ate, and crashed on the couch with his phone in hand.
As insane and creepy as he was, Ryker treated me and my kids far better than Chad ever had.
There was something to be said for that realization and how it shook me to my core. I'd welcomed Chad into my life, dated him willingly for giving me less, and I still pushed Ryker away. His stalking and intrusive tendencies gave me a convenient excuse, but I still didn't know how long I could hold out where our relationship was concerned.
By the time our food arrived, I was an emotional mess. I did my best to hide it, but the reality of my relationship with Ryker and the fact that I felt like I might develop an attachment to him and the way he treated my kids was enough to drive me insane. It felt like he’d turned my life on its head.
He was a criminal. A murderer. A stalker.
I didn't know if I could look past that, no matter how he treated me.
