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He chuckled, stepping forward to snatch me into his arms. My hands went to his chest, feeling him slick with sweat beneath my palm. It didn't bother me, for whatever weird ass reason. Nothing about Ryker's body bothered me. "You know that I worship you," he murmured, nipping at my neck as he went to sit on the bench with me in his lap and my legs tucked around his waist. "You know that I love our kids." Another nip, and heat bloomed in me against my wishes. I shoved his face away, glaring down at him. I was determined. For once, he would not make me forget that I was angry with him and let him take me to bed. "You know that I'll do anything to keep you safe."
"You have to give me something," I begged him. He couldn't just expect me to marry a man who had an entire past—a past that caused violent nightmares—without giving me a piece of himself. "You're asking me to give you everything. All of me, without you ever giving anything in return. Please, Ryker" I whispered, and something flashed in his eyes. He groaned, dropping his head back before he stared into my eyes intently.
"I was married once before." I stilled in his lap, staring at him in horror. He'd been planning to marry me without even telling me he'd done this all before?
"What happened?" I asked instead of expressing my anger. I'd give him the chance to explain, the chance to quell my nerves. There was a pause, and I watched him debate his words before he spoke.
"She was about four months pregnant when someone ran her car off the road. She and the baby both died." The agony in his voice broke my heart, and I leaned forward to press my forehead to his.
"I'm so sorry." It didn't excuse that he hadn't planned to tell me, but I couldn't be angry in the face of his pain either. "When was this?"
"Thirteen years ago," he said, and I jerked back in shock.
"How old are you?"
He chuckled darkly, raising a brow at me. It was just another reminder I knew nothing about him. "Thirty-three."
"You were so young," I murmured, wrapping my arms around his shoulders to hold him tight.
"I was. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to feel you had to compete with her memory. I loved Lauren, don't get me wrong, and I loved our baby. But the boy who loved her died with her. I'm not that boy anymore, and what I feel for you is different."
"I'm sure it is," I whispered, trying to quell the sadness that welled within me. It was different, because he didn't love me.
Obsession wasn't love.
He cupped my cheeks in his hands, holding me still as he looked at me. "I can already see you twisting that around," he chuckled, rubbing his thumbs over my cheeks. "I love you, Tesoro. I have loved you since the first time you smiled at me."
"Ryker—"
"Don't," he said. "I know you aren't ready to say it, but I think you need to hear it. I went to a dark place after I lost Lauren and the baby, and that's how I ended up with the Bellandis. But my life never stopped being all about the dark. Until you shone your light on my world, and I realized just how dark my shadows had become. You are the light of my life, Sunshine.”
"You don't have to tell me this." Because as much as he was right, as much as I needed to hear it, I didn't want to.
"Sunshine and her shadow," he whispered, and it felt like the words reached straight into my chest to wrap around my heart. The familiarity of that name wasn’t lost on me. "You reminded me what it could look like to just live. To love. To be free. To have Happiness."
“My shadow,” I murmured, dropping my face forward to touch my forehead to his chest. “It was you. That was years ago.”
“I’ve been there since the first time we met, Calla. I could never be away from you,” he murmured, making my heart pang. Through my marriage, through
my pregnancy with Ines, through all of it, he’d been there watching.
I shoved that down, trying not to feel the warmth that bloomed in my chest to know that while my husband might not have loved me, someone else had.
And I hadn’t even known he was there.
Even in the face of that dedication, I couldn’t not question it. "Are you sure about this? I don't think I'll survive it if another man decides he doesn't actually love me once we're married. I can't do that again, Ryker," I whispered, feeling my heart crack in my chest. I didn't want to blame Chad for the failure of my marriage, not when I was an equal part in that equation.
"You're my answer," he whispered, and there was the tiny trace of a smile on his face.
I stared at him in confusion, waiting for him to elaborate. "To what?"
"Everything," he whispered. "You're the answer to everything, Tesoro. I'll spend the rest of our lives proving it."
With a sniffle and a slight smile, I leaned in, touching my lips to his tentatively. With his hands cradling my face and his lips on mine, he overwhelmed me.
There was no part of me that felt untaken, unclaimed.
Unloved.
