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"I wasn't," I answered, reaching over to grab my tumbler and down the drink. I was not drunk enough for this conversation. He’d been right about that.
His brow furrowed as he watched me, waiting for an elaboration that wouldn't come. "Sadie," he groaned. "You've never seen someone?"
"Why? So they can put me on meds? They diagnosed me with ADHD. They medicated me for that as a kid, and it was fucking horrible. Can you imagine what it will be like when they try to medicate me for a comorbidity between ADHD and OCD? I'll be a zombie."
I'd thought Enzo would argue. That he'd be one of the first people to tell me that medicine could help. But I coped with my life just fine. I functioned, and I was mostly happy. No, my life wasn't perfect, but whose was? I didn't dislike the person I'd grown to be, idiosyncrasies and all. "Okay," he murmured. "No meds. Does anyone else know?" he said, surprising me into a moment of silence.
"Ivory and Duke, vaguely. We don't really talk about it in depth because they know I'm uncomfortable with it, but she knows I'm not medicated. She understands better than most since she hates medication of any kind," I answered when I finally pulled out of my moment of shock. Ivory's issues were vastly different, stemming from an attempted date-rape and the half aware feeling she'd had while under the influence of Roofies. Anything that messed with her awareness of the world or made her sleepy wasn't tolerable for her.
Enzo nodded. "Why the number five? Is there a reason?" he asked. I stared at him, the back of my throat burning with the sudden urge to cry. Nobody had ever asked me that. Nobody had ever noticed my obsession with increments of five.
Even though there wasn't a suitable answer to the why, I couldn't help but feel a moment of affection because he paid close enough attention to notice it when nobody else did. The panic followed though, the wondering of when it would all fall apart. He already knew more than most.
Would he run the next day?
Would I?
"I don't know. It's been that way for as long as I can remember," I sighed, wishing I could understand the oddities of my brain. But some things just made little sense. Some things weren't about logic.
"And your family doesn't know?" he asked.
I shook my head. "I do everything I can to keep it from them. My father has doubts about my ability to run the gym as it is because I'm a woman. If I gave him any sign that I might not be up to the task, he could take it all away. I don't want to disappoint him like that."
"Okay, Baby Girl," Enzo sighed, leaning forward to press his forehead to mine. "I won't tell anyone. But if you have any particularly strong needs, you have to tell me. I don't want to get in a fight because I put the milk in the fridge wrong when I couldn't care less where it goes." I allowed the contact, trying to take comfort that, for now at least, he knew the truth and accepted it.
And he was still mine.
"It doesn't matter where you put it, just make sure it's straight," I laughed, but my chest tightened. Wondering how long it would last.
Not long if I knew myself.
Enzo knew me well. Too well for such a short time frame. He sensed the need for space and my desire to gather my thoughts. So, with a sigh, he'd introduced me to Dom downstairs. The man glowered at me from the doorway, looking as pleased as punch that he had to babysit me while I tried to eat my way through the food the bartender, Ash, plied me with. I'd never been one to turn down free food, but something just felt wrong about being downstairs, even with Rebel lying next to my stool.
Being in Indulgence without Enzo at my side somehow
seemed awkward now that I had my whatever this was connection to him. The conversation upstairs was far too close for my comfort, but it was more than that. I'd been to lots of bars and clubs in my life. I'd never met a hot bartender who didn't flirt with the women who put their asses in the stools of his bar.
Yet Ash barely looked at me as he served me, let alone went so far as to have a conversation with me. Without a doubt it was Enzo's doing, his stamp of ownership making me totally off limits. While I didn't want Ash in any way, I would not be owned. I wasn't a fucking pet to be leashed and controlled.
"You know I have words, right? I'm not just a brainless sex doll that he rolls underneath him when he wants to jerk off in a wet hole," I snapped, making Ash finally turn his attention to me. "So when you ignore me and dismiss me like I'm incapable of conversation, it kind of pisses me off. With you. With Enzo. Do you want to be the reason I'm pissed at Enzo? I don't think he likes it much when I'm mad at him," I added with a coy smirk.
Ash's face might have paled at the pathetic threat if he'd been most men, but he just smiled at me and bit his bottom lip. "He said you were a handful. You ain't much more than that are you, sweetheart?" His eyes glanced down to my body for the first time, curled up on my stool. Admittedly, with my legs curled under my thighs, I probably looked even smaller. I'd stopped giving the first shit about my size a long time ago.
Except for when I couldn't reach my clothes in the washer and had to collapse a fucking lung leaning in. That shit sucked.
Picking my knife up off the bar, I aimed it right at his face. "Call me short again, ass monkey." He chuckled, touching the top of my hand until I set the knife down with a clang.
"Right. Maybe you should go back upstairs for Enzo to deal with." The words struck home more than he'd intended. Because I knew deep down, nobody wanted to deal with me. Even Enzo would tire of me as I came out of the stupor he seemed to put me in whenever I got too close to him. The blinding attraction would wear off. It always did. And then I'd be left wondering where exactly I'd gone wrong again.
"No can do," Dom inserted, grinning like he had a little secret. "Rafael Ibarra is upstairs with him. He came in through the back." I had no clue who Rafael was, but the way Ash whistled in respect and glanced up at the stairs made me almost want to find out. It was only the knowledge that these men respected criminals and serial killers that stopped me from leaping off the stool to go stick my nose through the door.
"I'll go check on your cheese fries," Ash said, pushing off from the bar dramatically and shaking his head at me as I eyed the stairs.
"Don't do it," Dom said. "Rafael is not a man you want to meet, little girl." I groaned, choosing to ignore the slight to my size. Just because he was the size of King Kong didn't mean he needed to call me little.
Little. Baby. Cute.
Eff that.
