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TOBY
After discovering that Brianna was, in fact, still on the call and listening to every single thing we did and said, probably with the bluest lady balls known to man, we again suggested that she hit up Nico for a booty call and hung up on her.
Jodie still looked a little mortified by the whole thing, but seriously, after the night the four of us shared in Hades, I’m not sure anything should really embarrass her. I know for a fact I’m not in the least affected by her friend hearing just how much I want her.
Things might be complicated, my life might be a fucked-up mix of revenge and anger and my need to squash anyone who’s ever hurt or tainted the lives of those I love, but there’s also no denying that I need Jodie something fierce.
Every time I look at her, my need burns that little bit hotter. Every time I have her, I think it’ll lessen, but it never does. It just makes me want to do it over and over until I ruin the both of us.
We eventually headed for the shower, where I proceeded to dirty her up all over again before ensuring that she was thoroughly clean once more.
We spent the rest of the day lazing on the sofa, watching some sappy series on Netflix. It was shit, really, but it made Jodie smile and I quickly discovered that I quite enjoyed watching her reactions to whatever was happening on screen. It certainly seemed to help her forget everything we ran away from back in London.
I’m scrolling through Instagram when a sob rips through the cabin.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, abandoning my phone and sliding over to her.
Tears fill her eyes, although she hasn’t let any drop.
“I’m sorry, it’s nothing,” she whispers, fighting the emotion that’s clogging her throat.
Ripping my eyes from hers, I glance at what she’s watching, seeing a family around a hospital bed, tears streaked down their faces as they say goodbye to the man before them.
“I-I just never got to say goodbye to him,” she whispers.
My heart fractures in my chest at the pain in her voice. Looking at all the hospital equipment on the screen, it’s easy to forget about the man she’s talking about and consider how my life could have been if Mum didn’t make the recovery she has.
“That’s rough,” I mutter.
“It’s just too much, sometimes. Too much, too close. Seeing things like this is just a reminder of those final moments that were stolen from us.”
Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I hold her tight, dropping my lips to her head and breathing in the scent of her shampoo.
“You don’t have to apologise. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.”
“We’re meant to be enjoying ourselves and leaving all that behind,” she argues.
“It’s not always that easy to leave behind.”
She snuggles into me and lets out a contented sigh.
“Do you want to watch something else?” I offer.
She shakes her head. “I can’t keep running, Toby. If I don’t deal with all this, then it’s just gonna keep hitting me out of nowhere and taking me under.”
“It’ll get easier.”
“Will it?” she asks sadly.
“Honestly, I have no idea. I’ve never lost anyone I cared enough about for it to really impact my life. I thought I was going to, but I was lucky, I guess.”
She twists to look up at me, wanting me to explain.
“Mum had a brain tumour.”
“Holy shit,” she gasps. “When you said she was strong… shit, Toby.”
“It’s been a shitty few years,” I say, a sad, unamused laugh falling from my lips at just how true that statement is.
