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“And did or did you not also say that you were going to change your ways starting right then and there.”
“Yes, but—”
“And is this or is this not the perfect opportunity for you to prove that you aren’t just all talk and that you really want to grab life by the balls and not let go until the bitter end?”
He was right, of course. I had said all those things, and I’d meant them. At the time. When the plane was nearing touchdown, I’d truly feared for my life. I had been so filled with regrets ... so filled with a desire to do better—bebetter— if we survived. And then we had, and I didn’t want to forget those feelings I’d had when the whoosh of relief had swept through me. How much I wanted to change how I lived my life. That almost-crash had been more awakening than I’d expected, and now when presented with my first challenge of pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, I was failing.
“Come on, Ivy. What do you say? Let’s get a little crazy together.”
The sparkle in his eyes started to fill me up with that hope and excitement only he seemed able to inspire. But just as I started to warm to the idea, the fear started working its way back in. “We can’t just randomly stop and go to an amusement park, Ethan!”
He shrugged. “Says who? ‘Don’t go to amusement parks’ was not in your rules for our road trip, and I need to take a driving break and wake up a bit. So, this is how I want to spend my break. Come on, Miss Ivy. Let’s go make some memories and have some fun. Or did you not mean what you said about starting to live your life a little less by the book?”
As his penetrating stare bore through me, I sucked my lip between my teeth. I had meant it when I’d said it. Just this short amount of time I’d spent with Ethan had really opened my eyes to how small my world was ... how safe my choices were. At the moment, the only really wild stories I had to tell were about the time I sang karaoke and this road trip. What kind of boring old lady would that make me? That realization stung.
“Well? You gonna make good on those words you said last night and come with me, or are you going to sit in the car and be boring while I go have the time of my life?”
As he goaded me with his eyes, the little voices in my head always warning me, “don’t do that,” started firing up like they always did. But instead of instantly listening, as usual, I turned down the volume. “Do we have time for this?”
“Why not? You still have a full week of vacation to use up, and I have three more days to get to my brother’s wedding. What’s a few hours to go have some crazy fun?”
I looked back at the rollercoaster that looked like it went straight into the sky.
“What do you say, Miss Ivy? You in or are you out?”
Those voices warning me not to do this started up again. But then ... then, a new voice chimed in. Quiet at first, then louder. And louder. This voice wasn’t telling me to be safe and cautious. No. This voice was taunting me to go for it.
If you had died on that plane, all your gravestone would have said was, “Here lies Ivy. She worked, she watched Netflix, she had bad taste in men and got cheated on repeatedly. RIP.”
The new voice kept mocking me ... picking at me.
Come on, Ivy. Don’t be such a wimp.
Pick.
You’re the most boring woman on the planet. No wonder guys cheat on you.
Pick.
If you don’t do this now, you’re never going to change. You’ll die old, alone, and boring.
Pick. Pick. Pick.
“You in, or are you out?” Ethan asked again.
My common sense said out. It said that taking unnecessary risks with my life wasn’t a good idea. It also said I’d just survived an almost plane crash, and doing something this risky wasn’t a good idea. But with the usual voices of warning quieted now, I could hear that little voice I’d never heard before whisper inside my head.Do it. Go have fun.It urged me to face my fears and do something I’d never in a million years had done before.
With my new inner voice cheering me on and my newfound goal of pushing my boundaries, I stiffened up tall and said, “Okay. I’m in.”
Ethan’s face lit up. “For real? You’re in?”
I couldn’t believe it, but I nodded my head. “Yeah. I’m in. Let’s go quick before I change my mind.”
“Oh, hell yeah!” Ethan pumped his fist in the air, then pulled the keys from the ignition and jumped out. “Come on, Ivy! Let’s do this!”
“Okay! I’m doing it!”
I jumped out of the car with a newfound gusto, but my false bravado faded when I stood and saw the roller coasters looming above me. “You know, on second thought, maybe I should sit this one out. I mean, I do want to loosen up a little, but perhaps I should wade into the kiddie pool first. This is the equivalent of diving off a cliff into the ocean for me.”
