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“You saw it go down? What an asshole, huh?”
He nodded and blew out a breath. “Yeah. Grade A asshole is right.”
“So, we’re gonna need some shots to help dull this pain. Can you pour us a couple of tequilas?”
“Tequila?” I scrunched my face and spun my phone back around to look at her. “Yuck. I don’t want any shots. I just want to go curl up in a ball in my hotel room and die.” As I said it, I froze. “Oh shit. I don’t have a hotel room. I’m staying with Jimmy. Jimmy, who ismarried.Jimmy, who is probably back in our hotel room with hiswife.Oh my God. How is this happening?” I collapsed forward and buried my head in my free arm as I turned Iris back toward Alec.
“Shots, Alec. Trust me. And since I’m not really there to drink it, I’m hoping your bar isn’t one of those stuffy ones that won’t allow the bartenders to drink?”
“We’re allowed to drink. I’ll happily be your stand-in,” he said, and even though I wasn’t looking, I heard the smile in his tone.
“You read my mind. Now, let’s numb this poor girl’s pain.”
When Alec wandered off to get the tequila, Iris’s soothing voice popped back in my ear. “Hey. We’re gonna get you through this, okay? I’m so sorry this happened to you, but it’s not your fault. He’s the ass in this situation, not you.”
I lifted my head to look at her. “I literally can’t even go back to the room to get my bags tonight. What if she’s there? What if I show up and she changes her mind about not being mad at me and punches me right in the face? I mean, who could blame her? I’m the sleazy, dirty mistress who was running around with her husband. I’m—” I cringed at the words I was about to utter. “The other woman. Oh, God, Iris. I’m the other woman! Eew! I never in a million years would have chosen to be the other woman! How did I miss this?”
I slammed my head back down on the bar.
“Stop it!” Iris commanded. “The ‘other woman’ is someone with no morals who knowingly sleeps with a married man. The ‘other woman’ makes achoiceto sneak around and steal someone’s husband. Did you know he was married and make a choice to date him anyway?”
I lifted my head. “No! Of course not! I had no idea! He told me he was divorced.”
She jutted her perfectly manicured red nail at the phone. “Exactly. You aren’t the otherwoman.You’re the othervictim.You are both victims of that sleazy, disgusting man.”
Her words helped soothe my guilt-ridden soul. Of course I wouldn’t ever indulge in that kind of behavior. I abhorred cheating. In fact, my only other three serious boyfriends had all cheated on me. Realizing this made my eyes widen.
“Iris, what is wrong with me? Why does every guy I’m with cheat on me? I don’t understand! Is this my karma in life? I’m the girl that gets cheated on?”
“What?” She waved her hand at the camera. “Of course not! Why would you think that?”
“Well, let’s see. Rick, my high school boyfriend, I caught behind the bleachers with Becky during our homecoming dance. Mark, my college boyfriend, wound up in bed with one of our professors. She was twice his age. Then I caught Ted sexting his assistant last year, so we broke up, and I moved to Chicago to start over, and now Jimmy is cheating on me with his wife.”
She pulled her towel off her head and scrunched up her wet, deep auburn hair. “Well, in this case, he didn’t cheat on you. He cheated onherwith you.”
“Ugh.” I cringed at the thought. “Well,technically,he was dating me when he went back to her, so you could argue he cheated on me too. Why? What’s wrong with me? Why do men cheat on me?” My eyes bulged again as another thought popped into my head. “Am I bad in bed? Is that what all this cheating means? Oh my God. I’m bad in bed, aren’t I? That’s why Mark went for an older woman. A moreexperiencedwoman. And Ted wanted some dirty-talking floozie. Those texts were XXX. That’s what’s happening. Those women are sexual chocolate, and I’m just a big bowl of sexual vanilla. Ugh. That’s what it is. I’m a dud in the sack.”
Iris tossed her head back in a throaty laugh. “What? For crap’s sake, Ivy. I’m sure you aren’t bad in bed. We’re sisters, and I’m amazing in bed, so there’s no way you’re terrible at it.” She scrunched up her face. “Well, at least I wouldn’t think so. I mean, if you’re even half as good as me in the sack, then you’re a firecracker, and no man should need to go elsewhere. It’s in our genes to be good at it. We’ve got great sex genes for sure! I’m not even sure if those are a thing, but if they are, we’ve got them.”
I laughed, and it felt good to loosen myself back up again. Iris always had that effect on me. We told each other everything, no details spared, and she was more than a sister. She was my best friend, even though we were complete opposites. While I was the older sister and always followed the rules, had a plan, and made good decisions, Iris was the wild one that flew by the seat of her pants and survived on her pretty face, undeniable charm, and unmatchable wit. And she could always,alwaysmake me laugh.
“Maybe you got all the good sex genes, and I got none. Maybe there was a dispersal issue in the womb. They got stuck when I came through, and then when it was your turn, they overloaded in you. You got a double dose. That’s why every man you’ve ever met basically throws himself at your feet. And, if I recall, no one has ever cheated on you. You’re a walking, talking, sex-gene-loaded goddess. And me? I’m a sex-gene-deficient bedroom dud.”
Alec walked past with the bottle of tequila and snorted. “I don’t even want to know.”
I pulled a face and looked around to make sure no one else scattered across the bar had heard me say I sucked in bed. Luckily, the few patrons around us seemed too caught up in their own conversations to notice. I lowered my voice. “Why else are they cheating? I must be a bad lay. Ugh. Great. Now I’ll be forever self-conscious that I’m bad in bed.”
“Stop it!” Ivy commanded. “Don’t you dare let that dickhead make you feel bad about yourself. He should feel bad abouthimself.He’s the problem here, not you. Turn me around again.”
I didn’t argue and spun the phone to point at Alec.
“Hey, Alec!” Iris called.
“Coming!” He came over carrying two shots of tequila. “And I come bearing heartbreak numbing gifts.”
He set a shot down in front of me and kept one for himself.
“Oh, good,” Iris answered. “Hold on. Let me refill my glass of wine for a proper cheers.” She hurried off, leaving Alec and me holding our shot glasses. A moment later, she returned. “Okay. Here we go. Here’s to Ivy being an incredible lay, and here’s to her never everevergetting cheated on again!”
