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“And are you treating her well?”
I scowled at that. “Of course.”
A low chuckle sounded then. “I didn’t mean ‘are you beating her,’ Finn. I’m under no illusion that you’re probably cosseting her—anyone with eyes can see how you look at the lass.” He heaved a sigh. “Never thought I’d see the day when Finn O’Grady came to me to talk about banns and the like.” I could well imagine him rubbing his chin in contemplation. “But there are more ways to treat a patient than with just due diligence. If you’re wearing your guilt on your sleeve because she isn’t making your life miserable over what’s happened, then that will wear on both of you.”
That had me blinking and I covered my eyes with my left hand, digging into the sockets to relieve the ache that was gathering there. “I don’t understand why she isn’t mad at me. She’s teasing me. Making my brothers laugh. She’s been so good, Father. I don’t deserve her.”
“Then, all I can say to you, my son, is to be the man she deserves.”
The words resonated with me. I wanted to be that man, but I didn’t know how to be what she needed.
Where it counted, little could change.
I didn’t work for a high-power law firm in the city, and it wasn’t like I could go on a sabbatical so we could take a break where she could recuperate. It wasn’t like I could quit my job, nor did I want to. The Five Points was the Irish Mob. My responsibilities were waiting on my total attention, but I was allaying my duties by working from home.
Even as I cared for her, tended to her, I had a duty to the Family.
“How do I be the man she deserves?” I asked, wanting that for her so fucking much, my chest ached with it.
“Do you love her, Finn?”
Silence reigned for a handful of seconds until I choked out, “Yes.”
“Have you told her that?”
“No.”
“Why not?” Doyle asked on an impatient huff. “The woman took a bullet for you, Finn! You could at least have told her you loved her.”
My jaw clenched. “To say it now, to say it when she’s going through all this because of me is like…” I blew out a sharp breath. “I won’t tell her I love her like it’s a magic cure-all.”
“What do you mean?”
“If I’d told her before, she’d have believed me. Now, she might just think I’m saying it because I feel bad.”
Doyle snorted. “Only a man could say something so ignorant. She doesn’t care why, she just wants your love. She’s sore, she’s hurting, and she’s on the road to recovery… she wants your love, Finn,” he repeated. “Love her. Give her what she needs within reason and be the man she needs you to be.”
Could I do that? He made it sound so easy, but life was never that simple, was it?
“Apologize to her. For the shooting. For the fact she’s injured,” Doyle carried on when I stayed silent, processing his words. “Apologize for being stubborn, for being an ass. Make reparation to the one person who bore the brunt of you and the Points’ sins.” He paused. “That and three Hail Marysandthree Our Fathers as well as the Act of Contrition is what I ask of you today.”
I hadn’t expected him to go so easy on me. Especially when I wasn’t here to atone for the one sin that mattered the most.
Did he understand?
“Thank you, Father,” I said softly.
“There will be a time when you’re ready to seek penance for the other matter, but as they say, if the mountain won’t go to Mohammed, then Mohammed must go to the mountain.”
As I rasped out the Act of Contrition, Father Doyle finished with, “Go in peace, Finn, and say a prayer for me.”
***
Aoife
I mayor may not have fallen when I went to use the bathroom.
FML.
