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Sixteen
Inessa
“Come on.”
I tugged Eoghan into the bedroom, not stopping until we were both in the dark, cavernous space. He sighed, and the second the door was closed, pulled me into his arms and pressed his face into my shoulder.
I didn’t feel any tears, but I knew his eyes were probably burning.
Reaching up and feeling sorry for men in the life like Eoghan who weren’t allowed to express their emotions, I ran my hand over his head, letting my fingers curl into his hair. Gently, I massaged him, trying to soothe him. Trying to give him something he could never ask for.
A shiver whispered through him, and I murmured, “We need to get some sleep.”
He tensed up, arguing, “I need to stay awake—”
“No, you don’t. You can rest. I’ll stay awake.”
He was living on his nerves, but the adrenaline had worn off a couple of hours ago, and I couldn’t altogether blame him. I was feeling wrecked myself, but I’d stay awake for him. Because he needed that from me. Twice, we’d almost lost Declan. Twice, the family had almost crumpled.
I pressed a kiss to his cheek, loving that he needed me, and murmured, “Come on, let’s just get into bed.”
We wandered over to the mattress, and he looked a little like he was lost as he allowed me to undress him. I tugged at his fly, stripped him out of his jeans, and then let him climb into bed once I’d lowered the covers. I rounded the side of it, crawled in beside him, and within seconds, he’d hauled me into his arms.
I felt him shake and tried to soothe him, but then he rasped, “I fucked up.”
“You didn’t.” I knew that, because Eoghan never made mistakes. It wasn’t in his nature.
“I did. Wasn’t the first time—” His jaw worked, the stubble scraping my jaw. “Even though my nest is like a second home to me, I fucking hate it sometimes. I was in Helmand Province back in two thousand seven. Wasn’t supposed to be there. Was supposed to be hush-hush.” He swallowed thickly. “Was supposed to be backing up their forces. It was my first tour, and I was a rookie, but my skill with a rifle had me soaring high pretty quick. The top brass put their faith in me, and I didn’t let them down. I actually hit a personal record. Just over three thousand yards on one kill.” A shuddery breath escaped him. “Took out two Taliban machine gunners, but it took so many fucking calculations to get the bastards, we lost over forty men before I could get—”
“You expect too much of yourself.”
His face turned into my hair. “It’s the only way to get anything done.”
“What made you think of that?”
“The numbers. So many men surging out, so much blood spilled.”
Even as I felt for him, I knew this wasn’t Eoghan. This was a part of him, sure, but fuck. This was Aidan Sr.’s fault. My jaw tensed, anger filling me as I thought about his stupid display back at the weird ER setup I’d driven us to after Finn had received the text from Conor.
Raging back and forth, blaming everyone but himself for getting his sons involved in this kind of shit, pinning this on Eoghan and me… Declan was in the life. So was I. It was likely that, at some point, I’d suffer a bullet wound just like I knew Aoife had. And, I imagined, Lena too.
It was how it worked.
Was I upset that Declan was grievously injured?
Terribly.
He was the first O’Donnelly brother I’d met, the only one aside from Eoghan that I knew, and to be honest, I’d liked him for a lot longer!
But this wasn’t Eoghan’s fault.
I knew it wasn’t.
And that Aidan Sr. could blame him pissed me off. Everyone knew he was fucking crazy, but until tonight, I hadn’t seen that side of him. It made sense that it would roll out when his son could be on his deathbed, but he’d just made matters worse.
In a matter-of-fact tone, one that belied how irritated I was, I muttered, “I wanted to slap your father.”
Eoghan stilled. “I’m glad you didn’t.”
