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My throat felt too thick when I swallowed. “I want that too. You and me. I want that.”
She leaned up on her elbow. “I’ve only ever wanted you, Declan. Even when I ran, I never stopped wanting you.”
“Then why did you go?”
“Because you looked at me like you hated me, and—” She blew out a breath. “You looked at me like Dad looks at Mom.”
My brows shot up. Whatever I’d expected her to say, it wasn’t that. “Your dad hates your mom?”
She shrugged. “He’s never there. She’s always alone, high on fucking antidepressants or whatever the crap it is she’s taking now. He never kisses her, always treats her like crap. She’s like his slave. I don’t like it, but what can I do? She won’t leave him. I asked her to come with me to Ireland,” she explained softly, “but she wouldn’t.”
“It sounds like he’s just old-fashioned,” I replied sympathetically. “You know what the old guard are like.”
“Dicks?” she grumbled, making me laugh.
“Yeah, dicks.”
But she shook her head. “I know why he hates her.”
“Why?” I asked softly, moving over to her.
It was still fucking hard getting onto the bed, and I felt like I was about ninety, but I managed to do it without plopping down and looking like a fool.
This was the first time she was talking to me about the shit that mattered without me raising the subject. The first time we were in bed together where my dick could get hard without my balls turning blue.
This was relationship stuff.
Not just sex.
More.
Just…more.
She watched me, and I loved that she didn’t offer to help, just wished she’d look away in case I had to bellyflop onto the sheets… thank fuck I didn’t have to.
“My birthday is six months after their wedding anniversary.”
I tensed. “Oh.”
She bit her lip. “Yeah. So, you know what that means, don’t you?”
“She either trapped him, or it was accidental, and he still feels trapped.”
“Yeah.”
“But you didn’t trap me. I remember the day the condom broke like it was yesterday, babe. I would have never blamed you—”
“All I thought was that you hated me, Dec. I thought things had changed because of Deirdre. You’d always been weird with her, and when she died, and it all went south, I just thought you felt guilty and blamed me.
“If I’d told you the truth, what would have happened? I’d have been stuck in a marriage like Mom’s. I’d have been tied to you even though you loathed and hated me. Resented me for trapping you, resented me for being the one who was alive when Deirdre was dead.”
“You had to know I fucking hated her,” I rasped. “She never managed to figure it the fuck out, the dumb bitch, but you weren’t her. I felt your eyes on us whenever she touched me.”
Pain flashed over her features, pain I regretted causing. Not just then but now. “It seemed that way, but you never left her, did you?” she whispered. “You never made a move to dump her, and you kept me on as your side piece. I know why now, but you never told me back then, and I never expected you to. You’re an O’Donnelly. I’m an O’Neill. Never the two shall meet and all that crap. What I was getting from you was more than I’d ever thought Icouldget. At least this way, I had your baby too.”
The words weren’t ones I’d expected to ever hear from Aela’s lips.
“You wanted my kid?” I rumbled, the words low, husky.
