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My feet were numb from being cooped up in the armchair, but I lowered them to the ground and surged to a standing position.
“Let’s get you clean,” I told him, holding out my hand for him to take as he also moved to stand.
He was still wooden. Still a little robotic. And even though I worried for him, I knew this was a part of the job.
You couldn’t tear into someone without a part of you being affected too.
That wasn’t how the soul worked.
We were quiet as we crept through the house, not wanting to disturb Seamus who was on the third floor, and I moved us straight into the bathroom.
I didn’t turn the light on, just began to undress him, working the expensive leather jacket off his shoulders, removing the wifebeater, and then the boots, followed by the grimy jeans.
When he was naked, I stripped too, and though he touched his hand to my belly, I merely smiled up at him.
“I’m ready,” I told him, my tone strangely serene. And I was. I’d never thought about getting pregnant, but I’d made no move to prevent it from happening either.
I wasn’t getting any younger, Seamus was too old for babies around the house to be anything other than annoying, but mostly? I just wanted his kids. More of them. I wouldn’t say I was a natural mother, but this felt right.
Perfect.
As perfect as this imperfect world was capable of being.
Sure, I knew what I was bringing this baby into, but Declan wasn’t the man he’d been before. He knew who Seamus was. What our kids could be like. I knew he’d do his best to keep them untainted from the life. And me? I’d never be like my mom or Lena. I’d fight for my kids. I’d fight for their futures.
“Thought you had an IUD,” he admitted.
“Had it taken out a couple of months before everything went down,” I told him, my lips quirking. “Fate has a funny way of working out, doesn’t it?”
He hummed. “I hope it’s a girl. Hope she looks like you.”
“Only fair considering Seamus is your twin,” I teased, but I prompted him into action, and he let me guide him into the shower.
Declan’s soul housed a monster. One that was cultivated from his father’s dictates. But he was still my man.
Mine.
My protector.
My children’s defender.
I was careful with the water temperature, then I prodded him until he stood underneath the fall. He let me soap him up, let me tend to him, and when I reached up and cleaned his face, he tilted his head back and bent his knees so I didn’t have to lean up on my tiptoes.
When he was clean, I pressed a kiss to his lips, and when he curled his arms around my waist and hugged me to him, I let him. I gave him what he needed in silent thanks for what he gave me.
Tonight, and every other night since this disaster had begun, he’d put his soul on the line for Seamus and me.
That went deeper than love.
I hugged him back, showed him that my need for him was just as fierce, and when the water ran cold, I switched it off, and we drifted, soaking wet, to the bed.
We didn’t make love.
We just lay in each other’s arms.
The monster was tucked away for another night, until he’d have to rear his head once more to defend those he loved the most.
Me and his son. And now this baby too.
